Daybook--January 8, 2011

Outside my window...this evening....was this beautiful sunset. Deceptively cold outside today. Brilliant sunshine but very sharp air. Snow is supposed to be coming over the next few days--first real snow of the year (at least for us).



I am thinking...of plans for the next few months. They're beginning to fill up quickly with big events. Trips, baby dedication, wedding and shower...so much to do!

I am thankful for...Blueberry apparently figuring out nap time. She's been taking regular naps (textbook timing!) the last few days for several hours each nap. Such a blessing. Praying this is not just a fluke. Now to master bedtime, and we'll be in heaven.

From the learning rooms...[or in our case--the learning brain]...Blueberry has been mastering the art of grasping. Which is dangerous because now everything within reach is fair game. She's also been learning how to drink out of a sippy cup (we've given up on bottles with her). Tooth appears to have successfully broken through. Much less fussy and way less drool.

From the kitchen...I am trying to develop the habit of wearing an apron while cooking. I'm tired of getting grease and various other substances (like flour--I can't come anywhere near flour without getting it all over me). I have two full-length aprons and one half-apron (thanks to my talented sis-in-law); now to utilize them consistently.

I am wearing...comfy PJs. Had a bath, chilling with my husband watching weird people torture themselves for $50,000 (Wipe Out) or millions of dollars (football).

I am creating...a new budget. Oh joy. It's taken a few months to get a better idea of our needs/financial status now that I'm home. Few things to still get straightened out, but so far, by the grace of God, we're making it.

I am going...to work on getting the application for Blueberry's passport started. Figure better start now as it's good for five years and it's safe to have it than not (especially knowing my family).

I am reading.. . several books (what else is new, I know). Finishing up a fascinating book on survival in disasters called The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes - and Why. Lots of food for thought there. Am also in the middle of The Tanglewood's Secret, probably my favorite Patricia St John book. Also just finished a cute young adult book called The Mysterious Benedict Society about the unusual adventures of some brainiac kids--new series for me. Over Christmas read a book called Mere Churchianity, more on that later.

I am hoping...that once we get our microwave fixed, nothing else will break around here for at least a little while. Some days it seems like never-ending breakages.

I am hearing...some new songs my husband downloaded recently.

Around the house...I have realized that I love my microwave. I hope to never have to be in a situation where I can't use a microwave. Our current microwave has been broken for about a week now and it's driving me crazy.

One of my favorite things...dancing with Blueberry. She just laughs and laughs and laughs. Delightful.

A few plans for the rest of the week: church, watching the Packers tomorrow at a friends house (aka--the boys watching the game, the girls watching three small children, catching up, and other far more interesting things than football), and the next round of shots for Blueberry (poor girlie).

Here is picture (or more) for thought I am sharing...

My bookworm in the making


(Our future baby sitter? Problem--she's only six).

"I love reading!"


"Tastes so good..."


"Oh my. I never dreamed they made books so big!"


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Reflections

As I (and many others) frequently do near the end/beginning of the year, I've been reflecting back on the happenings of the last year. And more importantly, my role in those events. Am I becoming more the person I want to be? Am I accomplishing those things that I want (or sometimes feel I should!)? Am I growing ontologically or am I simply running to keep up with the rest of the world?

This past year, I have had a lot of ontological lessons. In particular, the first month of motherhood felt like an almost constant lesson in ontology--being, existing, in the moment. Not planning for the future or dealing with the past, not busying myself with what must be done but just existing, reflecting, gazing, and worshiping. Studying the soft features of my darling daughter, feeling her fingers wrap around my own, the trust in her eyes, so many lessons to be found in those quiet moments.

As life has settled into new rhythms, and more of the humdrum routine issues of "the real world" have snuck back into my life, I've found those moments of just being have become farther apart than I would like. And I find that, other than the sleep deprivation portion of the earlier days of Blueberry, I have a strong desire for a return of those moments. Not just a desire, but a need. Because it was in those moments that I felt I was beginning to grasp some aspects of my Lord and my life that have always alluded me in the past.

I have found myself consciously trying to slow down, not for the sake of selfish pleasure but for the purpose of living, growing, breathing, praying, meditating, and thinking.

My world has been turned upside-down, inside-out, and become all around topsy-turvy this year. Not necessarily a bad thing, as I'm discovering many areas that had become unnecessarily large in my life and other things that had been pushed aside, lost, that need to be a larger portion of my life.

Those roles that have always been mine to fill have shifted around as I became full-time mother, more homemaker, less career-woman, and have tried to find the balance between maintaining being a good wife and filling the needs of a child.

My routines are a jumbled mess that I've been slowly sorting out one piece at a time. Trying to determine the things that really are important vs those things that are not actually necessary (no matter how much my pride may beg to differ).

Even every relationship has come under scrutiny this year. Some relationships that I've just accepted as is in the past might need some pruning or fertilizer. Some relationships I've sought after in the past have lost some value. Other relationships I've let slide have become more important. I've found unexpected love and joy from people I'd never really considered in the past. And I've found unexpected hurt and pain from others.

I find myself more forgiving of some things and less forgiving others. More understanding of some actions and choices of individuals and completely baffled by others.

And overarching all of this is the conscious thought that I can no longer put off some things in my life. I can no longer just accept the status quo in other areas. I must push myself in some ways beyond anything I've wanted to do in the last few years. There are two little eyes watching my every move. A little mind already imitating my actions. And a little personality growing and developing and already becoming opinionated and growing tendrils in certain directions, ready to be influenced by who I am and what I do.

And I find myself praying that I will be up for the challenge.

A New Year

So 2011 has gotten off to a bit of a rocky start for our household.

First, both Chris and I got a 24-hour stomach bug which started on the first and knocked us both out through Sunday night. Nothing super horrible, just enough to make us both feel gross.

Blueberry might have had it as well--hard to tell. She definitely was a little fussier than normal. Although that might have had something to do with what we discovered yesterday (after she'd been substantially more clingy/fussy and not wanting to take naps hardly at all)--she's got her first tooth coming in! I can see the little while patch and feel tiny little ridges on her bottom gum.

I'm really glad that we finally figured that out as there had been a couple of things that had been really concerning me the last week, and this answers all of them. Namely, her acid reflux has been exceptionally bad this last week and she had also developed this dry little cough that kept increasing in frequency. Apparently teething can be a particularly rough time for babies with acid reflux as the extra saliva can stimulate additional acid. And the cough is actually just a response to that. Phew.

So, on the fourth of January, we have two cases of stomach bug cleared up, one Blueberry mystery solved if not cured. If we can just get our microwave fixed and figure out if we truly have gremlins in our electrical wiring or if the weird electrical happenings going on around here the last month are just coincidence, we'll be heading into a better start of this new year!