Thursday, November 18, 2010

Blueberry's Birth Story Part III

Click here for Part I and here for Part II...

Those first few precious moments of baby gazing were so incredible. Holding her tiny little (purple!) feet. Watching her big blue eyes just stare at me...my heart melted.

My baby sister and Adam and had been at the hospital almost the whole time (poor thing--I think I traumatized her from wanting to have kids!). They came in and saw Blueberry right away. And of course there were phone calls to make to anxious parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles.

And trying to feed Blueberry that first time! Well, she licked a lot. That was about as good as it got. It was so cute though. The pediatrician was actually the one who helped me figure out what I was doing. It seemed so easy sounding reading about it but actually doing it was not quite as simple!

Other Reflections:

I was prepared. I did everything I could to make sure I was ready for the whole birth/labor process. It's hard not knowing exactly what you're getting into. But I'm very grateful for all the hours I spent reading and preparing with Chris ahead of time.

The breathing really worked. Focusing through what I was feeling was what helped the most. Recognizing the tenseness of my body and trying to relax gave me something to do that I could control in a situation where I felt so much was out of my control.

Chris was incredible. He was my support. I don't think I would have made it through alive without him there.

On the actual experience--I do wish things had been a lot better than they were. I left the hospital with a very bad taste in my mouth. Our next child very well may be born at home just because I don't want to risk having that kind of experience again. I will definitely be finding a different practice if we decide to go the hospital route as I do not want to risk ever having that man again.

Once again, I feel a lack of faith in the medical system. A process that my body was designed to do was treated as a problem. Every natural instinct that I had was ignored. Most of the things that I wanted to do that I knew would have helped the situation, I was kept from doing. It's the bizarrest thing. Why do we have a system that treats the most natural experience in the world as a medical problem to be fixed? Do problems happen? Sure. And the medical system can be there. But I felt like more problems were being caused in this case than were being helped.

I did find strength in myself that I never imagined I had. I know what I can handle, and I know that I can do this again in the future. And I also know that I will be a lot more assertive in the future when it comes to things like this. I'm tired of being pushed around by doctors.


Side Note on Three "Coincidences":

1. We had a great nurse in our patient room. The first words out of her mouth were "So, how did you get dengue fever?" Now, that may not seem so extraordinary except for the minor detail that she was literally the first person all day who not only knew what dengue fever is but knew how to pronounce it correctly! Turned out that she just happened to be a former missionary in the same mission as my parents who knew a lot of the same people I know as she and her husband had been to Bangkok frequently, and who was on her second to last shift at the hospital as she and her husband were going back out as missionaries!

She was a blessing as I was able to talk to her relatively freely about my experience with the doctor. Turns out he's pretty much a jerk to everybody. She had even had to report him before for abuse of staff and abuse of patients. Knowing that my impressions of him were not just because of how I was feeling has been helpful. I tend to be someone who second-guesses my responses to people, even though I'm told that I'm normally pretty accurate with how I'm reading someone, I still have doubts. Knowing that I wasn't crazy but he really was not a good doctor to work with has helped.

2. There was a girl that was in the two classes Chris and I attended before Blueberry was born (the birth class and the baby care class). We had talked in the second class as we recognized each other and were due right around the same time. Well, the second night at the hospital, Chris was walking down the hall, when who should he run into but this girl! She had her baby just a few hours after Blueberry was born. We've run into each other several times since then and are now friends on Facebook. It's been kind of fun having a random birth-friend.

3. Although I did not get my week of relaxation that I so desperately wanted before Blueberry arrived, the timing was impeccable in another sense. As I mentioned in Part I, my husband's grandparents (who live several states away) were in town that particular weekend. They were scheduled to leave town Tuesday morning, and had actually been discussing leaving a day earlier! If Blueberry had waited even one more day, they would not have been around for the birth. Meaning, they probably wouldn't have seen her for at least four months if not even longer. And it meant a lot to us, and I know it meant a lot to them, that they were able to be here right away.

I don't believe in coincidence. God has to perfect of a plan for that.

1 comment:

Hillery said...

There are no coincedences, just God's providence. Isn't it wonderful! Glad that you did have some wonderful providences as well. It still cracks me up that Blueberry preferred licking to nursing! Lily was probably my first baby to really "get it" immediately. No teaching her. Just depends on the kid! I think Lily was also undernourished and just desperate for some food though. Sad but true. Silly knot in her cord from doing somersaults.