Catching Up from Summer

I am sitting on my couch, watching Kingdom (thanks Hillery!), and luxuriating in the bliss of not having an appointment to get taken care of. Oh yes, my "to do" list is still about a mile long, but I'm ignoring it. The deadline appointments are done with for at least a few days, and I'm trying to decompress instead. That and get my brain out of a gluten fog.

Let's start with that.

We're on our second off day after working 15 days in a row. I really am not a huge fan of double shifts. We've done them a few times, and I know some people who don't mind them, but I'm afraid I'm just not one of them. I think it's my introverted nature that starts screaming out to be left alone for awhile, and during the summer--particularly a summer with a baby--it is 24/7, or in this case, 24/15. During the school year it's not so rough because we get some down time during the week day (normally).

This particular double shift was even more intense than normal due to a combination of factors:

1. We have another new girl in the cottage. I've decided to call her Kanga--she's had some physical issues and is currently on crutches (and might be for quite awhile)--thus the nickname. 10 years old, she is fun and, so far, pretty easy to get along with. We'll see how it goes after the honeymoon period  wears off. Settling in new residents always takes a substantial amount of work just in balancing out all the rest of the residents in the cottage as they shift and shuffle in their social network, trying to settle themselves into new places.

2. Another factor in the shuffling of social layouts was that our Labrador moved to another house two days before Kanga moved in. Labrador was quite a strong factor in the house, to put it mildly. The removing of her influence has had a large impact on all the girls and even on us.

3. Clothes shopping. School started on day 14 of our shift, and as the girls were blessed with some money for shopping, and the consignment sale was in town, I had the fun responsibility of taking them shopping. This means shopping (on my own, thankfully) for a 6 month old, a two year old, a three year old (who I have decided to break with tradition and nickname Sweetie for this blog because that is, apparently, what Blueberry has settled on calling her), and a five year (nickname determined to be Gopher--have you seen the Youtube video?). All this followed by shopping with a ten year old in a wheelchair/crutches, two eleven year olds, and a 12 year old! I went one night and an additional morning to the consignment sale. Then I went out all day with two of the older girls. Followed the second day by two more girls. Followed by a third day with one more of the girls. And I'm still not fully done! I like clothes shopping in moderation, but enough is enough.

4. Blueberry's birthday--my little girl turned 3! And, oh my goodness, was she excited to have a birthday party. Of course, I had to shake my head in amusement as my little introvert burst into tears upon playing a party game; she did enjoy just watching though. We went with My Little Pony theme as she loves them and, frankly, it made for fun party planning. More details to come at Blueberry Bits.

Birthday Cake pancakes on the morning of her birthday. Party wasn't until the day after. I love this picture just because of how Baby Q is determined to get into it in the background!

I finally did my rainbow cake I've been wanting to do. Was so pleased with how it turned out!

Rainbow cake view 2.

Twilight Sparkle and Pinky Pie and Doggie making friends.

4. This was immediately followed by Chris' birthday--for which a gluten free Boston Cream Pie had to be made (and of course consumed) and a good game of Ticket of Ride.

5. Our chef, who is normally the hero of the summer, producing at least an evening meal for us, more frequently an evening and lunch meal (at least during the weekday), has had an awful few weeks of it himself--resulting in us doing all the cooking. For every meal. While trying to do all of the above. And this shall continue until we know not when.

6.  Add into this a bout of Baby Q producing two more teeth (makes four now!), then getting sick with a fever and wanting to be held 24 hours a day, including only sleeping on top of me for multiple nights in a row, and my dumb mistake of eating an entire bowl of gluten filled spaghetti sauce (thought it was chili--how I managed to confuse them can be chalked up to sleep deprivation, a sleepy baby eating through my shirt to get to milk NOW, low blood sugar, and eight children all talking/crying at once).

For the record, I definitely still do not do well with gluten. I made the mistake Saturday and now I am still feeling it. Barely made it through the last few days of our shift and, five days later, I'm still dealing with tender joints; although, the extreme exhaustion, headaches, and painful skin, stomach ache, etc have at last subsided.

7. And did I mention I threw a baby shower today for a friend? Yeah...planned all that in the midst of the above. Sigh. I fully admit that a few things did not come to fruition as planned simply on just not having enough time. Or energy. Or hours in the day. Or hands.

Capris. Because I love them dearly.

Mustache theme. These were a hit--at least according to my husband! Love Pesto.

Baby shower cake--in a baby food jar!

Thus back to the "get my brain out of a gluten fog" luxuriating in watching Kingdom part of this story. Which only took me 8 hours to write because, hey, this is my life.

7 Quick Takes (vol. 27)

#1 - No more sick kids! No more! We have had nonstop sickness around here for weeks. When we've got a child sick, both of us have to be here for number reasons, so it makes it really difficult to get anything done. We just came back on duty yesterday, had one day of no sick children (although Blueberry has been coughing), and then we wound up with another sicko this morning--strep no less. Sigh. Enough is enough! Oh, and since we were going to the doctor any ways, we took Blueberry in and she has another ear infection. Need to look into ear infections some more and see if I can find some more natural preventative stuff for them. The really bad thing about her ear infections is that she shows no symptoms. Never complains of ear pain. Has no fevers. Just gets a nasty cough which eventually proves to be triggered by the ear infection itself. Hard to treat when you don't realize its happening.

*****************

#2 - In addition to the sickness, its been a dramatic few weeks here at the cottage. Between sicknesses, we had multiple court dates for a number of our ladies. One found out she will be staying here with us for a very long time, another two found out they are still stuck in limbo. That's so hard on a child not knowing if this is going to be home for a long time or if they are going back to whatever they came from before. And for some there is the tear of "I love my parent...but I know deep inside that this is safer for me." How do you balance those conflicts?

*****************

#3 - So isn't the "why" phase supposed to start at age 3 or 4? Either way, we're in full-blown "why" gear around here. It actually started with Butterfly but little Miss Blueberry picked it up right away. "Why" has become very old, very fast. Although, I admit, I did have to laugh when I decided to reverse it on her the other day and asked her, "why", and she calmly looked at me and said in the most matter of fact voice possible, "Because."

*****************

#4 - Blueberry has also begun saying, "Yes, ma'am" to things. As we do live in the south, it is a campus requirement to teach the kids to say, "Yes, ma'am" "No, sir," etc. Otherwise they are seen as disrespectful at school and other places. So she has heard it for the last year and apparently has decided it is high time to put it into practice herself. The most startling moment when I noticed it was when she was telling Doggie off about something (he's been a most disobedient stuffed dog lately) and she looks at him and says, "No, Ma'am!" very sternly.

*****************

#5 - Christmas presents and shopping are going pretty well. Not quite done yet, but we're on our way. Just a few more things to tie up and I can't write that off my list. For our cottage girls, we finally decided to do a mini picture book for each of them of the last year. Having a love of my camera, I tend to take lots of pictures, so putting all of them together into scrapbooks for each of the girls has been fun. Course it takes quite a bit of time, but I think the end result is worth it. And with all the good deals out there on photo-books, it ends up being relatively affordable (which is important when you're looking at 7 kids). Sure the girls get presents from sponsors and other people, but we like to give them something directly from us. Its just hard knowing what to get that isn't just another generic gift.

*****************

#6 - OK, I just had a laugh at a very apropos sight. I'm sitting at the computer eating my lunch, typing this, and I glance to my side and see my nativity set sitting up on the bookshelf. Its a very pretty set, complete with the typical wise men, angels, Mary, Joseph, the Lord Jesus, and, in our case, a cough drop. GAH! The sickness is creeping in everywhere! Make it stop!

*****************

#7 - Its my big brother's 35th birthday today. Somehow I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this--he's 35? Seriously? I remember when 35 sounded so old, and while it feels young now, my ingrained perspective of many years is that 35 is ancient and decrepit!

Any ways, happy birthday big bro. I love you. You are amazing and talented in so many ways. I'm honored to have a big brother that I can look up to and admire so strongly after all these years. Take a break at some point today.

 "Unca Jon" and Blueberry

There Was a [Youngish!] Woman Who Lived in a Shoe...

My Mum asked me the other day if I felt like the old woman who lived in a shoe and had so many children she didn't know what to do....today the answer to that question is an unequivocal, "yes!" And the sad thing is that technically we only spent most of the day time dealing with three of the children, but it was enough.

It all began with us coming off of a lovely weekend that we spent with some friends who drove down here for the sole purpose of hanging out with us. We had much fun, played many games, but sadly spent a number of late nights consoling Blueberry who had a cold and was having a rough time sleeping. So we came on shift a little bit on the tired side.

Well, that was highly unfortunately as our Monkey also had a severe cold and cough. Very severe. The nursing staff finally decided to set up a doctor appointment with her today when we had to go and get her early from daycare Monday because of how poorly Monkey was feeling. (think coughing so hard she's been throwing up).

Well poor little two and a half year old Monkey has had a slew of doctor's appointments the last few weeks--many of which included shots, stabs, or sucking out of the ears (disgusting!). She was not thrilled to see another doctor and screamed her way through much of the visit--basically any time any nurse or doctor came near to her to do anything--weigh her, measure her, take her blood pressure, check her lungs, you name it.

Final results was that she has RSV--oh yay. A highly contagious disease, particularly for Blueberry. Of course Monkey can't go to daycare for the rest of the week, and she has to be isolated in her room from the rest of the cottage (you try explaining to a two year old the concept of isolation!) to try to minimize the possibility of passing it on. The primary problem with this is that she is (a) two and a half and very high needs and (b) my own kid is not to thrilled with mommy have to spend a lot of time caring for another "baby" and so they spent the day taking turns demanding mommy's attention and (c) I'm of course getting coughed, snotted, and vomited on all day long, so spending time with my own kid is tricky when I'm trying to not make her sick!

I foresee a lot of showers, hand washing (my poor, already dried out hands), and extra laundry in my short future.

Oh, and of course I still have 5 other children who need me as well--fortunately they are in preschool/school for most of the day. Otherwise I really don't know what I would do!

It is now almost time for 4 of them to come back from church service. The two babies are in bed, sleeping (thank you Lord for small mercies!) and I'm watching our oldest (Mama Bear) play Plants vs. Zombies (love that game!). She stayed home from service to help me by watching Blueberry while I got Monkey to bed. She's very good with Blueberry and revels in helping, so it worked out well--and frankly I would not have been able to handle the two by myself tonight.

Back to my shoe...I mean dinner. Hope your week is going less overwhelming than mine.

In the household news...

Since Blueberry's surgery (and my last blog)....

1. Blueberry is doing much better. The first few days were pretty rough, but she seems to be healing nicely. She has an inch plus scar, but when her pediatrician saw it a few days ago, she commented that she didn't think it would stay a permanent scar.

In fact, since the surgery, Blueberry is more mobile than ever. We're thinking that the hernia was slowing her up in terms of crawling and potentially other movement. Before her crawling was awkward. One leg was down in the traditional crawl position but the other was always kind of propped up. Now she's crawling like a normal baby. And getting into everything. She's also continuing to pull herself up on all things reachable and is getting good at moving from one piece of furniture to another. Even though we can officially say she is crawling now, I don't think it's going to last long.

2. In other Blueberry news, her latest tricks of the last month: clapping. She's started this thing of sitting in one spot and using her heels to rotate in a full circle. Rather funny to watch. Interesting conversations going on all the time. She has finally figured out the sign for "food". Refuses to learn "more".

3. My house is piley. By which I mean that there are piles of things everywhere. Part of this is stuff we need to put into our shed (box sitting for my parents while they're overseas). Part of this is partially finished projects that need to be completed (garage needs tidying out, master bedroom needs some work, I've just rearranged our study--more on that later). Must get taken care of. Beginning to get under my skin!

4. Am trying to determine the best action to take concerning her current pediatrician. I like the office we're a part of mainly because they let us give her shots as we like without hassle. However, her actual pediatrician is bugging me. I've had a few things in past visits that have kind of irritated me; however, her 9 month appointment (which we just had on Friday) really got under my skin. Am I over-reacting? I don't think so, but judge for yourself.

Basically what happened was we went in, they did the usual height/weight etc. Blueberry now weighs 14.5lb and is 28". The doctor came in and commented that she was getting "really concerned" about Blueberry's weight. I had to point out to her that when we came in the week before at the start of our hernia adventure, they had weighed her in at 16lbs (with her clothes on), and at the hospital, they had weighed her in at 15.5lbs (diaper only). And as she had just had surgery as well as having had several days of not eating well, was it really surprising that she had lost weight? Should I really have to be pointing this out to the doctor (who has Blueberry's chart in front of her as have this discussion)? Other than that, she has stayed within the same percentile for her weight basically since she was born. She's growing and gaining weight. Just at a lower percentile.

They then did the hemoglobin/iron levels test. Nurse came back in and said we were good to go. I got a call Saturday morning from the pediatrician's office. Apparently her doctor is concerned about her iron levels and was recommending we start her on iron supplements immediately. The nurse proceeds to give me the name of the supplements. I then start asking questions.

Question 1: What about constipation issues that are guaranteed if she's taking iron supplements? We have struggled with constipation ever since Blueberry has started solids (in hindsight this might have something to do with the hernia, but that remains to be fully determined). Their recommendation--another drug that will hep with the constipation. Really?

Question 2: What exactly was her iron levels at? Answer: 11.4. According to the nurse, normal levels are 11.5-13.

I also raised the question of the latest research regarding breastfed babies and iron levels, and increasing iron through food. No answer. I started getting annoyed, finished the phone call, and did some research on my own because a few things just weren't sounding right to me.

Issue 1: According to every thing I can find, normal iron levels at 9 months is considered 10.5-14 (12 average) NOT 11.5-13.

Issue 2: She was sick. Had surgery. Hadn't been eating well. Had lost weight. Oh look--4 things that each on their own can cause someone's iron levels to be lower than normal. But rather than giving her any time to just recover, the pediatrician wants to put her on supplements. Really?

Issue 3 (especially given the facts of Issue 2): She was 1/10 of a percent below their preferred levels. No recommendation regarding having her eat foods high in iron. No. No. We need to put her on drugs. BAH! Just irritating.

Issue 4: It really irritated me that the pediatrician couldn't take the time to look at her levels and have this conversation with me while we were in the office. No, I had to talk only to the nurse from home. This has bothered me greatly.

Any ways, given that this isn't the first time I've had some questions about how our pediatrician works, I have to wonder what to do now.


Well, that's about it in the land of quickish updates. Lord and baby willing, I'll be on here more in the coming weeks.

Daybook March 26

Outside my window...it is rainy and gray and gross and cold. However, I do have a beautiful white tree in my front yard and some lovely red flowers coming out on a nicely-greening bush across the street. So that makes up for the yuckiness a little. This week has really been a typical Missouri week. Gorgeous sunshine and 80s one minute, cold, wet, rainy the next.

I am thinking...that I'm procrastinating on doing a few things. But the day is just so rainy and cold and lazy inducing. I can't help myself!

I am thankful for...finally finding my dress for my sister's wedding. And also got Blueberry's dress (three cheers for consignment sales and affordable children's clothes!). Pictures to come eventually.

From the learning rooms...[or in our case--the learning brain]...The learning has been on mommy's end this week I think. First we've been dealing with the eczema thing (clearing up beautifully by the way--so glad we caught it early). However, Blueberry was not a very easy berry this week. In fact, she was a little fuss pot much of the week and also was worrying me by not wanting to nurse. We were going through the "what it could be's": itchy skin from the eczema (didn't seem like it), teething, shot reaction, just leftovers from to much traveling.....all of the above? While some of the above might have factored in, it seemed like something else was going on. Finally we figured out that her tummy is hurting her and her reflux has picked up again. Did some reading and realized that I had not been feeding her a good enough mix of food (particularly for a baby who is prone to reflux). What we were feeding her was fine in and of itself and for most babies, but with the reflux factor added in, I'm obviously going to have to be really careful on how I balance out her foods. Sigh. Poor baby. We've cut way back on eating any solids for the last few days and have focused on just getting her to nurse. As that is getting back under control, we'll work on reintroducing/balancing the solids she's getting. Sigh. I did feel better as I read on several websites that a lot of people who have babies starting solids who also have reflux struggle with it all. Partially because there's not a whole lot of helpful information out there, partially because what might be fine for one baby might hurt another baby. Go figure.

From the kitchen...my cookies for Charlotte were a success! Pasta for dinner.

I am wearing...jeans, socks (cold feet thanks to this nasty cold weather), and a nursing shirt that I sadly stained with some drops of bleach. Oh well. Still works for around the house wear.

I am creating...more scrapbook pages. Yes, it makes me happy!

I am going...to get off the computer now and get something useful done.

I am reading.. . Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Fascinating and at times infuriating so far. Blueberry and I are just reading general picture books right now. Need to get back into a bigger book again as well. Maybe time to pull out my Winnie the Pooh treasury. One is never to young for Pooh Bear. She's been making me laugh with a few of the books. Whenever we hit a page with a picture of a dog, she gets super excited. Reaches out and tries to pet the dog in the picture!

I am hoping...That I'm not trying to over-extend myself these next two weeks.

I am hearing...the crinkle of a magazine as Blueberry happily rips it to shreds (Travel and Leisure--she's a girl after my own heart).

Around the house...it was not a good housekeeping week. To much other stuff going on. However, getting back into my Flyladying is paying off because it doesn't actually look to bad (or feel dirty) around here.

One of my favorite things...is Swagbucks! It's seriously so easy to earn money through it. Basically I just search through Swagbucks, but occasionally I'll play games and I'll take their daily poll and a few other things that also provide easy Bucks. I'm getting at least $5 in Amazon gift cards every month through them if not more sometimes. If you're not already familiar with them, check them out here (and if you sign up through there I get points too!).

A few plans for the rest of the week: Church. Shopping prep time. Some plans for next week. Meeting up with a lady who will get me set up for a new work at home opportunity that has come up. Hopefully see a few girlfriends of mine. Studio is open again on Thursday (they were closed this week for Spring Break). Working on my baby sister's wedding shower (trying to get a lot done before I leave for Tennessee in less than two weeks now!) Hopeful date night with husband. And as always playing with, loving on, and rejoicing in my Blueberry.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Zucchini. I never claimed she was the world's daintiest eater but she does love food.




Want to join in? Go check out The Simple Woman's Daybook.

A New Year

So 2011 has gotten off to a bit of a rocky start for our household.

First, both Chris and I got a 24-hour stomach bug which started on the first and knocked us both out through Sunday night. Nothing super horrible, just enough to make us both feel gross.

Blueberry might have had it as well--hard to tell. She definitely was a little fussier than normal. Although that might have had something to do with what we discovered yesterday (after she'd been substantially more clingy/fussy and not wanting to take naps hardly at all)--she's got her first tooth coming in! I can see the little while patch and feel tiny little ridges on her bottom gum.

I'm really glad that we finally figured that out as there had been a couple of things that had been really concerning me the last week, and this answers all of them. Namely, her acid reflux has been exceptionally bad this last week and she had also developed this dry little cough that kept increasing in frequency. Apparently teething can be a particularly rough time for babies with acid reflux as the extra saliva can stimulate additional acid. And the cough is actually just a response to that. Phew.

So, on the fourth of January, we have two cases of stomach bug cleared up, one Blueberry mystery solved if not cured. If we can just get our microwave fixed and figure out if we truly have gremlins in our electrical wiring or if the weird electrical happenings going on around here the last month are just coincidence, we'll be heading into a better start of this new year!

7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 3)

#1 - I've decided to add a little distinction to my name by signing myself, "The Hanna". The Irish got away with it; why can't I? What do you think? A little over the top? Well, that's what happens when I get woken up after being in a deep sleep for several hours...things just get weirder and weirder and funnier and funnier. And random ideas like calling oneself "The Hanna" just seem brilliant. Truthfully, I could make a killing as a comedian if only I could arrange it so that I would tape immediately after being woken up having slept for a couple of hours. I wonder if that could be arranged? I wonder if I'm having this thought because I'm writing this at 4am after having been woken up?

******************************************************************

#2 - On a more serious note, is anyone else disturbed by the current news on the "Fairness Doctrine"? It truly amazes me that such a concept would even be open for discussion. Why would anyone would support a law which would essentially stamp out some the fundamentals doctrines this country was founded on? What is happening to this country? I don't care what party you belong to, who you voted for in the last five elections, or where you grew up. If you have any passion at all for the so-called democracy of this country, don't ignore this issue.

******************************************************************

#3 - Since I'm on the subject of politics, I will say it was interesting to read part of the interview filmmaker Alexandra Pelosi, daughter of Speaker of the House, Congresswoman Nanci Pelosi did with Salon asking her about Alexandra's experiences following the McCain campaign for a documentary film.

Salon asked Pelosi the following question: "Did you go out there with the expectation that the polls were probably right and the candidate whose supporters you were interviewing was probably going to lose?"

Her answer was surprisingly refreshing: "Well, more than 58 million people voted for John McCain, and I know that everyone on the coasts is on an Obama honeymoon right now, and they seem to forget that more than 58 million people did not want Barack Obama to be their president. And when I was traveling over the summer and I would go to rallies and 20,000 people would be there, it's hard to say I knew Obama was going to win. They had some real enthusiasm at these events for the GOP ticket. So, I did not go out presupposing that Barack Obama was going to be president. I wasn't trying to make a point about, "Ooh, he's going to be president and here are the losers, let's go check out what they have to say.

"They had huge crowds, and I felt they were really underrepresented in the media. I didn’t feel like I saw these people on TV. And when I went out to talk to people, the first thing they would say to me was, "I can't believe you're talking to me." They were so flattered that I wanted to hear what they had to say because they'd say, "The media doesn't listen to us. You turn on the TV and all you see is Obama nation and you don't see us." They had some points. My liberal friends, I have to remind them that they have some really good points. No. 1, the media did not fairly represent them in this election. Obama was on the cover of every magazine all summer long. I understand Obama sold magazines. It's a business. But when you've got a presidential election and you have half of the country feeling really underrepresented, I think that's a real problem. And I think that's a bigger problem than Obama versus McCain.

"There was this guy in Fort Wayne, Ind., Fred Boise, who says, "The media paints us to be fanatics. They treat us like hicks and we just go to Wal-Mart and we're rednecks. And they don't come to get to know us, and they go on stereotypes." I think all of that is true. Of course there were a lot of clichés that I had to overcome when I got there. "Hi, I'm from New York and my last name is Pelosi," and obviously that was like funny to them in a weird way. Like, "What are you doing here?"

******************************************************************

#4 - I ran into an interesting post on a new blog I've been exploring this week that fits in nicely with my (what I'm afraid might become thematic) rant on marriage, feminism, etc. Go check out "The Big Dumb Husband" over at The Family Homestead

******************************************************************

#5 - On a totally different topic and because I apparently still have zombies on the brain and this cracked me up:

******************************************************************

#6 - On the subject of celiac disease:

I was reading The Gluten-Free Homemaker, a blog that I've recently come across and have found has some really good information on Celiac and living Gluten Free. Any ways, the writer of this blog posted an article called "How Gluten Affects Me Mentally" that I personally found very interesting.

She began by describing how when she gets glutinated (my term not hers), her mood is really affected. Immediately I began to read more closely because her description was, well, me, or at least what's been happening to me mood when I've had gluten. In short, I become a crabby, irritable brat (to put it nicely)--and this grumpiness is not just because of how I physically feel. I literally can feel the gluten affecting my mood. And even more weird is how, as everything gets processed out of my body, I can literally feel my mood getting better. It's distinctly noticeable and slightly unnerving at times!

Any ways, she had a medical explanation for why this happens to those with celiac or gluten intolerance. To quote:

"Intestinal permeability is part of the reaction that takes place when someone with celiac disease eats gluten. To put it simply, molecules that should be kept within the intestines are able to “leak” out into the bloodstream. Gluten is one of those molecules. When gluten is carried by the blood to the brain, it causes problems. Dr. Fasano explained that the gluten molecule is similar to endorphins which, along with other things, give us a sense of well-being. The gluten molecules will dock where endorphins are supposed to dock. In effect, gluten blocks endorphins and the positive feelings they can give us."

It's not an excuse for bad behavior on my part, but it is a relief to know that I'm not the only one who goes marginally Witchy upon the ingestion of gluten and that there's an actual reason for it.

And then I sent the article to my husband and he said he's going to start telling me to get my receptors cleaned. I'm not exactly sure how to respond to that!

******************************************************************

#7 - Why is that when I center my cute little asterisks line right above point #5, all of point #1 immediately also centers itself? Not point #4, #3, or #2. Just #1. And if I make point #1 be left centered, then the line right above #5 becomes left centered. Why are computers so irritatingly uncooperative?

******************************************************************

Signing off till next time,

The Hanna

Thai goodness and sadness all mixed up in a bowl of spicy tastiness

I probably will pay for it tonight, but I just had the best Thai meal I have ever had in the USA. And, truthfully, the quality of the food rivals that of a lot of Thai meals I've had back home.

A few months ago I heard about/saw a little Thai restaurant tucked in out of the way beside a gas station (how Thai can you get!) near our house. Unfortunately, with all the food issues, I haven't been eating out hardly at all the last year. And so we never tried out the restaurant.

And then on Sunday my sister came over and informed us that not only is it a really, really good restaurant but that they have Isarn food (Isarn is the Northeast region of Thailand - the area I grew up in - and has very distinct food [and in my opinion the BEST food] that you don't really find elsewhere in the country) which is rarely found outside of Thailand itself because it's not what the tourists generally eat. But the truly sad news was that they were closing down this week.

So tonight we (Chris, myself, my sister, my brother, and sis-in-law) all went to eat there. And oh my goodness, Joy wasn't kidding. That was the best Thai food I've had in years. Seriously, if that restaurant was open in Thailand, it would be one of those which the natives would frequent because of how good it is.

But, as the saying goes, "location, location, location." It's so far out of the way, no one knows about the restaurant. And on Sunday it will be closing its doors.

So for now I will concentrate on the delectable spiciness of the food and pray that I don't get sick tonight/tomorrow (and I won't regret the meal if I do get sick!). And I'm praying even more than the normal "I don't want to be sick prayer" because I really, really, really want to go back and eat there again at least one time this week before it closes down!

Random Notes

Fall is happily setting in and despite the cold, it looks lovely. Need to obey my mother and go take a walk in the leaves.

****************************

Blessing on older brothers who own their repair/construction businesses. I now have a new fan/light combo that works in my living room, a new fan/light combo in both the guest room and the study, our electrical problem in our kitchen has been fixed, and my roof is fixed! YAY!

*****************************

I have a random husband who is too soft-hearted for his own good. I came home yesterday a little bit late because I had to finish up a project at work. As I drove up, I saw my husband sitting outside our house in a lawn chair. Not an unusual sight. Occasionally he'll let the Mara Jade run around without her leash on (not Calista because she doesn't listen well enough) in the front yard. So I'm looking around for Mara (not wanting to run over her) and I can't see her. However, as I get closer, I realize that there is a furry creature sitting on his lap - a creature unknown to me. As I got out of the car, I realized it was one of the most adorable black and white puppies I've ever seen.

Long ears, darling eyes, quite smart, seemingly at least partly house-broken, very cuddily but also adorably playful, and thus far quite a non-annoying bark. Sadly, we suspect she has experienced at least some minor abuse as her reactions to being scolded are WAY out of proportion.

Long story short, she got a flea bath last night and we're taking her to a vet on Monday (of course keeping an eye out to see if anyone has actually lost her) to see how big she's going to get and if there is anything wrong with her we should know about. Depending on her size, we may keep her. We're still in the discussing stages.

But in the meantime, my heart is falling deeper into love with this cute puppy.

Oh, and we named her Penelope - Penny for short.

**************************************

Christopher has finished his first class - with an A! And with a sigh of relief. And immediately he started working on his next class.

**************************************

I love the brand Enjoy Life. They make soy-free (and anything else that might be an allergen free) chocolate. I finally can make chocolate chip cookies again! So exciting (I've had a rather small world lately and am easily excited). I'm very happy that I found this brand.

I've also found an absolutely delicious dark hot chocolate mix that is also making me very happy. The brand name is great - Dagobah!

***************************************

This past Saturday Christopher and I went with a friend of ours and her new man to a concert. Christopher was very confused as it was a Big Band concert but was played by the Springfield Symphony. For some reason this was a hard to understand concept.

It was a lovely evening starting with dinner at Bambu (the local Vietnamese restaurant - has a gluten free menu and tends to be pretty good about actually following through on their gluten free promise) and followed by the enjoyable concert. And the new couple is very "cute" (sorry, had to thrown that in just for you, Helena!).

***************************************

Hope you don't mind my random notes!

Stupid Coloring

It's 2am. No doubt you are asking yourself why I'm up at 2am. Especially given that "night owl" is definitely not in my description.

Artificial coloring.

Yup, two stupid little words and not enough attention on my part.

And what contained this lovely gluten contaminated, two worded, curse? Cheese.

I thought I had made sure all of our cheese was safe, but I think this may have been some cheese my baby sister bought when she was still here. Regardless, I wasn't paying close enough attention last night, dumped it on my chili-mac' as I had a very late dinner, and viola, 5 hours later I'm wide awake as my body makes very clear to me it is anti-articifical coloring and thus is going to punish me by keeping me up.

The really annoying thing is that I can generally tell within 4 to 5 hours of eating if something is going to be a problem. Actually, I can often tell much earlier than that, but whether it's going to keep me up or not is easily discernable in 4 to 5 hours. i.e. Right around the time I go to bed because we tend to eat dinner pretty early. So I've learned to ward off a sleepless night by taking either prescription or (if it's not to bad) non-prescription sleeping aide.

Well, because I ate late last night, my 4 to 5 hours later was about midnight. When I had already been in bed several hours. And now I can't take anything because I need at least 8 hours to get a sleep aide out of my system and I don't have 4 or 5 hours! GAH!

Let this be yet a lesson to me and all gluten-intolerant people out there...STOP, THINK, and READ labels before eating!

And so, since I have nothing else to do (except sleep which I can't do...) I've posted a new GF bread recipe and a couple of baking tips below. Enjoy!

Gluten Free Eating

I wanted to put up some of the new GF recipes I've been making lately, so the next few posts are all GF related. I feel like I'm slowly getting into a better place as far as food goes. And I think I'm finally getting to a place where the idea of feeling sick and nasty is emotionally frustrating enough that foods that lead to that state of being are becoming more repulsive to me. Still have the occasional craving, but it's all coming together slowly.

Any ways, I'm going to make a recipes label that will become (theoretically) full of GF goodness (and possibly some not so GF goodness as well - thanks to the Domata flour, I can still make a lot of my old baking recipes with just a few adjustments here and there).

Dancing Decision

I made my decision several days ago, but I haven't posted about it because I wanted to let it sink in first. You know, settle into it, give my addled brain a chance to reject or approve of the idea.

The short of is that after prayer and planning and dreaming and scheduling, I could not get a peace about working at the studio. In some ways it felt like a dream come true, but in others, akin to opening myself up to a nightmare. (OK, maybe not quite that extreme but my literary side liked the imagery!)

Basically there were quite a few reasons against taking either or both positions (and after I made my decision and passed it along to the powers that be, I discovered it probably would have entailed taking BOTH positions as opposed to just one, at least initially). Some of them were as follows:

• I'm not doing my masters this year because Chris is going back to school and I've really felt like the Lord has been leading me to be a support to him in the next few years not focused on my own school, etc. And although he (Chris) kept telling me not to factor him into my decision, I realized that I had already factored him into my decision by the simple fact that I'm not doing school; therefore, why would I take up that time with yet another activity? And an activity that would take me out of the house a lot.
• All the "Pros" of taking either position (other than the fact that I would be dancing again) were based on which of the positions would be better - not pros in terms of how getting into this would be an improvement in our lives.
• Dancing again - I wouldn't be dancing. I would be administrating or teaching. I miss dancing. I don't miss a lot of other parts of that world - Christian or non-Christian.
• I'm struggling keeping up with 40 hours of work a week (case in point, I was so excited this week that I thought I was going to be able to have two full weeks without taking any sick time - first time in months I think. And then Wednesday hit) - why would I add another 20 or so?

There were other reasons beyond this. But I think one of the key elements for me is the fact that since I've made this decision I have had peace. I haven't had one moment of doubt concerning my decision.

Maybe this was just one of those moments when God wasn't going to "yay" or "nay" the decision and would have given me strength to go with either one. Obviously I'll never really know. But as things stand right now, I am confident in the decision I have made.

My food is being problematic

So yesterday all this glutenny stuff snuck up behind me and smacked me really hard. It's most unfair when I get really sick from eating and I have absolutely no idea what I ate that is the problem.

Any ways, I've decided I'm going to have to do a reversal and go back on a very, very strict diet for the next week or so with the foods I'm 100,000% positive are fine (i.e. vegetables, rice, and chicken - but only when flavored with the appropriate things - and some of the new gf recipes i've found that don't contain other potential dangers), get all this new garbage back out of my system, and then basically start over again. I think the additional areas that are potentially really causing me trouble might be

• soy
• beef (fed with wheat...)
• sugar

From everything i can read, if you're already having intestinal issues, all three of these can exaserbate the issue a lot and cause gluten-like symptoms. Maybe if I try to weed them out of my system for 6 months to a year and give my entire stomach a chance to completely heal, i'll be able to eat them again.

But, it'll be another case of experimentation as to whether or not those threee really are causing me more grief.

I'm just so tired of being sick all the time. It gets very discouraging.

Baking

So, my Domata gluten free flour arrived this week, and I decided to see how it works.

Well, I tried two different bread (think needs bread flour type) recipes, and frankly, it was very disappointing. The first batch was hard as a rock (keep in mind I'm not that expert of a bread maker either) and the second just doesn't taste that good. So, I think I'll have to try some of the other gluten free bread recipes I've gathered that require combining your own flours, etc. Domata just doesn't seem to do that good a job in place of regular bread flour.

However, I did make banana muffins with the flour and those turned out really good (although there is the faintest pepper taste to them that I can't figure out for the life of me).

Well, other than the whole exploding part.

Normal banana muffins are very smooth, dome-shaped muffins. These are just, well, let's call it "dome challenged."

I put rice syrup in in place of sugar (as large amounts of sugar really do seem to bother me), and it made the dough incredibly sticky. Not sure if that's what caused the muffins to puff up the way they did, but they sure looked funny coming out of the oven!

To dance or not to dance

I started my first ballet lessons when I was three years old; although, I believe instinctively I danced from the time I could walk. Just so much easier than walking! 27 years later, I still love to dance. However, life has done it's usual morphing and many things have changed for me in this field.

When I was younger, I always wanted to become a professional dancer. As I got older, that dream became that of a professional working in a Christian company to bring the art of dance to a rather (at times) closed door Christian society.


When I was 18, I went off to college to get my degree in English education (bookworking - my second passion!), hoping and praying that dance would stay a part of my life somehow but not sure on the "how." That door did open and I worked all the way through the college as a ballet teacher at a Christian owned studio.


And then I started teaching high school. And within a month, I knew that something had to give. And even more, I felt like God was saying to me, "let go of this. It is no longer for you." And so reluctantly but with the realization that I literally could not both teach school and dance, I let go.


But I've missed dancing so much. I don't really miss performing; I just miss dancing. I miss the smell of the studio, the movement, even my pointe shoes (bloody feet, blisters, and all). While I've tried to keep up at home, it's not been the same at all. There's been a few times when we've had dancers in church, and just watching them has hurt so much because I wanted to be there.


This past spring, an opportunity arose to become a part of a new studio in town that had opened up just a few months before. It's a Christian studio, not just in terms of ownership but in terms of what it is for. The classes start with prayer; the entire focus is for worshiping the Lord through dance. Beautiful.


I was asked if I could get involved in some of the directing of the studio as they had plenty of teachers but there directors were having issues. I prayed about it, Chris prayed, and seperately we both felt that God was saying, "no." So, I turned it down. Since then, obviously some good reasons for why it wasn't right have come forward - namely being that physically I would not have been able to handle it.


However, this past week, I've been offered the position again. And while I've been praying about it, I don't feel like I'm getting a good answer on what to do. Maybe that is my answer, I don' t know. It would be a purely volunteer/ministry kind of thing.


Because I'm a "list" person, I've tried to analyze it as best as I can. But I just don't know. And I need to make a decision - yesterday!



Option 1: Be the Performing Director (choreographer, performance planner, etc) w/o the responsibility of the academic/Studio Director (administrative side - phone calls, bills, etc)

Pros:

• This would allow me to be involved with less of an initial time commitment (Saturdays 2-5 through October, November, and half of December, some planning time but I can set my own hours, performance days (19th of December I believe).


• This would be a good way fo rme to get to know students/parents closely


• I would be dancing again.

Cons:

• I haven't been dancing, other than what i can do at home, for the last few years. I feel out of practice and out of shape.


• I've not been able to really exercise the last few months because of my stomach and how much it's been hurting - totally out of shape in general not just in dance.
• I'm not familiar with the studio yet, and that can make it challenging in choreography (although this is an open audition, so people from all over could audition so I'm not really stuck with 1 style).
• Saturday commitment which means that I really won't have a day off during the week at all because Sunday's always wind up with various home things that need doing.

Random Thought - truthfully, doing this kind of scares me, and I don't know how much that is affecting my view of this option. At this point, although I know I'm qualified, I don't really feel very qualified because of how long I've been out of that world.

Option 2: Studio Director w/o Performing director responsibility

Pros:

• get to know students/parents quickly from all levels not just those performing in show
  not physically demanding
• allow me to get to know the studio/style etc without direct dance involvement

Cons:

• Big time commitment. (minimum Tuesday and Thursdays for 3-4 hours after work; probably need to be there another day as well, plus being able to answer questions, etc throughout the week nearly every day).
• Not actually involved in dancing again (although that could open up in the future).

Other Thoughts:

• I've been praying for the right ministry door to open; is this my door? What about some other thoughts Chris and I have had about ministry opportunities? There's no way I could do something else along with this.
• I'm concerned about how this will affect my health; I'm still not doing all that good - is this going to be beneficial or hurtful?
• I gave up doing my master's program at this time so that I can be more of a support to Chris while he's in school. This is something that's going to take me even more out of the house and out of Chris' life. Big time commitment - possibly very stressful - how will affect the home?
• Looking at the hours/need, I can't help but think they need to hire someone full time for this position. Trying to piece-meal it is only going to hurt the functionality/success of the business.
• Am I supposed to be a part of this world again? If I were just doing administrative type stuff and not actually dancing, would I be okay with that?

So that's it folks. I need to make a decision, and I don't know where to go with this.

HELP! :)

Blue tinted

I've been blue the last week or so. Not a deep, navy blue just blue tinted. It's like seeing the world through "blue tinted" glasses as opposed to rose ones! Nothing is necessarily bad just...blue.

"Why?" you ask. "Why is a woman with an amazing husband, secure home, loving family, caring friends, and two crazily adorable puppies blue tinted?"

Well, answering that question in it's entirety would take far too long than I have time to answer tonight. However, let's just summarize and say that I'm tired of being constantly sick, I feel unsettled and restless for various reasons, and there are things that I want to happen which aren't going to happen for awhile, and I'm not very good with the "patience" thing or the whole "letting God work His timing" thing.

In the last few weeks I keep running into the following Psalm in a lot of different places:

1. Psalm 42
1. As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.

2. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?

3. My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"

4. These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

5. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and

6. my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon--from Mount Mizar.

7. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

8. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me-- a prayer to the God of my life.
9. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"

10. My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?"

11. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.


It's one of those tried and true "fall back" Psalms used for songs and quoted (at least the first and last parts of it) on posters, bookmarks, and the like. I find sometimes Scripture like this can become very prosaic to me - not that the meaning of the words is any less true or important but that I don't think about them as much because they've become commonplace and easily looked over.

Then last week, over on Bread Crumbs, I read a very apropos blog about Time and trusting in the Lord's timing. Even though she doesn't mention this Psalm in her blog, it got me thinking about the words of Psalm 42 and realizing two things:

1. I don't think I have been putting my hope in God much lately. Oh, sure, I trust Him for the eternal and the big things in life, but I know that I oftentimes get so caught up in the little questions and struggles of life, that I don't even stop to think about having hope in Him for those things. In fact, I think I find it easier to pray and believe in Him for the care of everybody and everything else around me than it is to pray and believe and hope or trust him in things for myself.

Is it pride? To some degree. I don't like being too dependent on other people. Very dangerous and vulnerable position to put oneself into.

Sometimes, however, I think it's more the เกรงใจ ("greng-jai") Thai part of my personality. This term is a very complex term to define mainly because it really has many nuances of meaning and applications in life. In this case though, it's the part of me that at times truly struggles to ask friends, even my husband, for help or time because I don't want to put them out or cause them any inconvenience. In my desire to not "bother" others, my true feelings, needs, frustration, even fears get stuffed deep inside and I just try to move on without asking (or praying) for help. Seeking for hope...

2. The second part of the Psalm that I keep coming back to is the whole "panting after God" thing - the idea of being desperately thirsty and knowing the only thing that can fill that thirst is God.

I'm a big water drinker. In fact, I've gotten to a point in my life where I drink very little else - indeed I only rarely want any other type of substance to drink. Occasionally (think once every few weeks!) I'll have rice milk or juice, but really, water is the only thing that really fills my thirst.

I got here, though, by not drinking other liquids. I used to love juice and milk and drink them all the time. And then a few years ago I really started trying to increase the amount of water I was drinking daily because I know it's good for you (and fewer calories!). Well, over time, water is all I want.

So, using that analogy, why is it I don't thirst after God? I guess because I'm not taking enough time to "drink" of Him.

So back to being blue...

I've realized this blueness is not going to change as long as my hope remains, well, unplaced, and I remain unconsciously dehydrated.

To quote Janna from Breadcrumbs:

"All of us struggle from time to time, in spite of God's Word that says those who wait on God will "soar on wings like eagles" (Isaiah 40:31).

Timing is indeed everything. We need to remember that when we get impatient for things to happen. We need to remember that God's timing is best. He knows all. He sees all. He coordinates all. For that, I'm very thankful. There's no way I can keep track of it all."

Gluten Frugality

Last weekend I mentioned spending $60 on flour/GF baking ingredients.

Then this past week, I was experimenting with what I can eat etc, and made a very yummy spaghetti dish.


*side note - after much hunting, I have finally found a GF spaghetti noodle substitute that I like! Actually, it's the same brand as all the other noodles that I like. Really, it's hard to tell the difference between these brown rice noodles and regular wheat-filled noodles. The brand is
Tinkyada Pasta, and I really enjoy all of them. For awhile I was despairing of ever being able to eat spaghetti again because all the spaghetti noodles were disgusting.

Back to the yummy spaghetti...well, it made me sick. So in looking back through the ingredients to figure out what set me off, I discovered that when things say "natural flavorings" that can oftentimes mean - you got it - GLUTEN! GRRRR. So it was the tomato sauce that made me sick.

So, my only option was to find an organic, basic tomato sauce (and pastes). So, off to the health food store again...and $9 later I walked away with - count them with me - 4 cans of sauce/paste.

I made it my mission this weekend to do some research and find a cheaper way to make this work. Otherwise we were going to be broke just trying to buy food that doesn't make me sick. After much hunting and price comparing, I think I have found that the cheapest way for me to order most of my gluten free food is actually going to be...........Amazon!

I never thought I would reach the day when I would be grocery shopping on amazon.com, but there you have it. I can buy, generally in bulk, the ingredients/pasta/foods I need for about half the price as the health food store. Are they still expensive? More so than regular store-bought stuff, but for half the price, I can deal with it.


Also, another friend of mine introduced me to this great flour from a company called
Domata. They make this great flour that basically I can use cup for cup in place of any regular all-purpose flour (not sure about when a recipe calls for bread flour - I have a recipe which combines different flour types that should work for that, but I don't think this flour would substitute). The key is that it already mixes things like Xantham gum (a vital ingredient for getting the gluten free flours to stick and taste like regular bread) all into the flour. So although it's still priciyish, it ends up being cheaper than buying 5 different kinds of flour/gum/etc and combining them myself. Xantham gum by itself costs $10 for 6 ounces, so this flour comes out as way cheaper.


So, guess I need to rearrange my cupboard because I need to bulk order some food for me.

Pizza by Scratching

Brownies and Pizza. What else can one ask for in life?

As I have had neither of those delectable substances for about three months now, I was especially appreciative. Basically I've been experimenting with just regular recipes but using the gluten free flours, etc. And I'm quite impressed. And it's definitely cheaper making it at home than buying the gluten free mix or actual dessert/bread from the store. Tastes better too.

I found a really easy pizza dough recipe that is absolutely amazing. Fluffy and tasty all rolled into one happy crust!

I think I'm finding though that too much sugar in anything does tend to bother me. Not like the gluten does but just upsets my stomach. A little bit in a day is fine, but if I have to many sugar laiden items, I can definitely feel it. Might start looking at using more sugar substitutes (no, not Splenda or anything half as killing as that) like rice syrup, etc. And, I've found that most recipes can actually take less sugar than is called for and be just fine. So combine the usage of less sweet amounts and no sugar and we'll see how that works out.

Bruised, Broke, and Bread

No, this is not a sermon or any such; although, I thought it would be a great title for one! That is the summary of my past couple weeks and my adventures in food.

So, two weekends ago, I managed to narrow down the wheat/gluten question to, sadly, gluten. And so, last Tuesday, I took the dive and voluntarily went to the doctor’s to get poked with a needle (very anti-needle). And of course they couldn’t do it right, and I’ve wound up with bruises on my arms, one of which is quite nasty looking!

Why did I volunteer to be poked with needles? Well, I’ve always know that if it came down to a gluten problem, I needed to be tested for celiac disease – the serious end of a gluten intolerance problem. And since it’s hard to test for celiac if you’re on a no-gluten diet (I had to hope that by eating gluten products a few times for a week previous that would be enough to indicate it on the blood work), I had to torture myself by continuing to eat gluten filled things for a few days.

Talk about making yourself ill!

Anyhoo…the test results have come back. Thankfully, celiac did not show up. However, gluten intolerance is still a problem that I now I have to learn to deal with on a regular basis.

So, after sulking and feeling sorry for myself for a week (had to get it out of my system!), I took the plunge on Sunday and spent an obscene amount of money at the health food store to buy myself flours and other gluten friendly baking products so I can start working on making myself breads, etc. I have lived without bread now for about two and a half months. And let me tell you, even though I’m not a big bread fan, I’ve missed it!

Chris was picking on me though, at the store, because I had been really frustrated that morning for breakfast having absolutely no easy access foods I could grab (problem being compounded by the fact that I’m still testing out other foods as well as dealing with this issue). So we went to the store and bought some of those along with the baking supplies, and after all my hard work recently at saving money on shopping, etc, seeing the price for what we bought, was very disheartening. However, he informed me that I couldn’t have it both ways – I couldn’t be upset over having nothing to eat and be upset over the cost of getting food! I told him I’m a girl and I could if I wanted to.

Why is that argument never impresses him?

Any ways, I’m blessed with two very sensible friends who have had experiences in this area, and so quickly was given some helpful websites/recipes from them. I made a recipe titled “Sticky bread” first. And let me tell you, it’s sticky all right! However, it’s also fantastic. I would eat this bread even if I didn’t have too! So that cheered me up quite a bit.

And now, the time has come for me to work at getting my food/eating back to what will be for me, “normal”. It’s been pretty rough the last few months (blessings on a patient husband who’s put up with my lack of normal cooking and weird eating), and now that I know what one of the biggest problems is – it’s time to deal with it.

Fudge

I never knew that fudge was a natural ingredient. However, as I was reading the list of ingredients on a package today, I glanced at the allergy warnings. Usually this will include things like "milk" "wheat" "soy" "nuts" etc. However, the only warning on this particular package was - "fudge".

Curioser and curioser.