As I sit here ridiculously early this morning, I am trying to gather my thoughts and process everything that has happened to us this last week. As I haven't breathed a word of most of this on here--I now get to spill the beans per say. And such beans they are!
Let's begin with last Monday. On that day I received an email that depressed me greatly as yet another one of my friends informed me that she was moving away. And this time on one week's notice.
As I popped over to her house to help her start boxing up her kitchen (packing kitchen's is apparently my specialty as I've packed quite a few friend's kitchen in the last few years), we began talking about the new job they were going to be doing. The more they talked, the more intrigued I became. Chris and I have had a job that we've talked about on and off since before we were married. Then six of seven years ago we had a discussion about dream jobs--and what she was describing was our dream job. Even more than that, what she was describing to me was an answer to our financial, ministry, job, and even family-goals related prayers for the last two years.
And they were hiring.
Wednesday, Chris and I talked it over. I called the director for the company and he confirmed they were still looking, but not exactly for the position that we were wanting. But it was a similar position, and could lead into the opening we were wanting. He said to go ahead and put in our applications, and that he was actually going to be in town next week, so we could do an interview then. That night we put in our applications and went to bed not knowing what to think.
Thursday morning I check my email first thing--we have an email from him. He had reviewed our applications and would look to see us. Immediately. On location. Could we come?
Ensue a flurry of phone calls back and forth between Chris and I. Quick plans and discussions were made. And by 2:30pm Friday afternoon we were on the road, Blueberry in tow, heading to Arkansas.
Yes, Arkansas. To interview to be Relief Houseparents at a Christian children's home for foster children, orphans, etc.
Saturday morning we arrived at the home ready for the interview. One of the first things we were told was that unfortunately he couldn't offer us the position he originally intended.
Our hearts sank. Five hour car trip for nothing.
And then he went on (I'm pretty sure he was enjoying himself). The position he could offer us was that of full time Houseparent to one of the girl's cottages (the children of the home are broken up into six cottages based on age/grade level. Each cottage has it's own set of houseparents)--specifically the little girl's cottage (ages 0-10ish). In other words--exactly the position type (and gender and even age range of kids) that we were most interested in!
We talked and talked and talked all about the home, what happens, how it operates, what our roles would be. Then we drove around in a golf cart and saw all over the beautiful campus, went into the house we would be parenting (if hired), and learned even more about how everything operates. The more we saw and the more information we learned, the deeper our desires grew to be a part of this ministry. Almost from the first moments of hearing about the job itself several days ago, and definitely from the moment we took that fateful step and submitted our applications, both of us had been so excited, but even more, so sure in our spirits that this was where God was leading us. And every moment of that interview simply confirmed our initial response.
Finally after about 2 hours of talk and viewing, we went back to his office and he offered us the job. We accepted on the spot.
And so, in less than two weeks now (July 31/August 1), we will be driving back to Arkansas this time with U-Haul and puppy dog (and child of course) in tow to start a new chapter of our lives that is so entirely different from anything that has come before, it feels like God just pressed the reset button.
Years of prayers, even more years of dreams, all answered in one fell swoop. It will be hard work, sometimes emotionally exhausting work. But it's work that we are both eager to take on. We get to raise our child as we want to raise her--and we get to raise other children right alongside her. We're going from being parents of 1 to parents of potentially up to 10 or 11.
And even as I write this I can hardly believe it. Although if I look at my "to do" list for the next 2 weeks, the reality sets in firmly!
Already my living room is full of moving boxes. I'm trying to plan a make-shift first birthday party/farewell party for next week, see girlfriends who leaving is going to be really hard, make sure I'm stocked up on some Thai ingredients so I don't starve to death (not really that strong on the Asian food stores that I can tell), and sort/pack/toss/sell every item in my house. Oh, and figure out what to do with our house and sell one of our cars as well! Phew. If this is where God has led us, I'm counting on Him to give me the energy and nerves of steel for the next few weeks!
Showing posts with label My Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Faith. Show all posts
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
After a very long, emotionally crazy day...
...I turned on my "Vineyard" Pandora station and the first song that came up was the below song. Much needed.
As morning dawns and evening fades
You inspire songs of praise
That rise from earth to touch Your heart and glorify Your Name
Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
'Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name
Jesus, in Your Name we pray
Come and fill our hearts today
Lord, give us strength to live for You and glorify Your Name
As morning dawns and evening fades
You inspire songs of praise
That rise from earth to touch Your heart and glorify Your Name
Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
'Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name
Jesus, in Your Name we pray
Come and fill our hearts today
Lord, give us strength to live for You and glorify Your Name
Friday, August 21, 2009
7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 9)
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#2 - In a previous post, I had mentioned laughing at the people on the plane who were sharing their entire life stories in far too much intimate detail with complete strangers. To quote myself, I said, "They don't seem to realize the small, small world of airport." I had further proof of that fact on my trip back home.
First of all, I'm sitting in the airport in Washington, innocently reading a book, waiting for my flight, and a couple of Asian ladies sit down next to me. They quickly start gabbing away in Thai, so after eavesdropping for a couple of minutes, I decided I should let them know that their conversation was not quite as private as they thought it was (they were speaking really loud!), so I leaned over and introduced myself--in Thai. Thought the younger lady would fall out of her chair, she was so startled!
We had a nice little chat, and then after awhile, I settled back into my book.
Well, after a few minutes, I look up and there's this guy standing relatively close by, waving at me. I looked at him, puzzled, for a minute before it dawned on me that I did know this person. He is my husband's new boss (and incidentally, he used to be the head of the program for missionary kids with our mission, so I know him from way, way back as well). Well, not only were we in the same airport, but we had the exact same two flights back to Missouri.
So let me reiterate the sentiment of my previous comment--you have no idea who you might run into in an airport!
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#3 - If you haven't yet seen this article on the squirrel/gopher/disturbed rodent picture crashing, you should do so. I found it highly amusing.
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#4 - I've been intending to mention for awhile now, a delightful way of getting rid of books you don't want anymore. No, it's not burning them. Put the matches down.
My experience with books has been a frustrating one. I love books (if you haven't figured that out yet, you're obviously a new reader to my blog). That has resulted in my having a (rather large) book collection. Now while I'm very protective of the books I love, there are other books that wind up in our collection that I really don't want to keep. But the question then comes--how do I get rid of them?
In the past I've explored various options: giving them to people who want them (sometimes hard to find depending on the book), putting them in with stuff for a thrift store, or selling them to used bookstores. Now, the used bookstores option has not gone well for me. Frankly, they don't give hardly anything for books! And I know they sell them cheaply, but seriously, my book is worth more than a quarter! Then I discovered a free website called Paper Book Swap. I'm in love with it! You can post books that you want to get rid of on the website, and as other people want those books, they can request them from you. You pay the shipping to send the book to them; however, for every book you sent, you get a "credit" in which you can then order more books for yourself! Essentially, you wind up paying between $2.50 - $3 per book you get (postage costs), but as the website requests that they are decent condition, etc, it's winds up being a good deal. They have a HUGE variety of books, and they also have DVDs and CDs (although I haven't explored that option yet). So, this is my endorsement of their website!*********************************************************
#5 - So I was in a chapel service at work (a Christian university with our primary degrees all along the lines of biblical studies, etc) the other day, singing a worship song, and I discovered the most amazing piece of information that I thought would be important to share with all of you. Did you know that King David built the temple in Jerusalem? Yeah, I didn't know that either! Amazing, isn't it?
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#6 - While I'm on the topic of worship songs...is it just me or do most of the more modern (past 10 years or so) choruses nowadays seem to spend a lot of time focusing on warm fuzzies and ignoring topics like discipline, sacrifice, and all the other tricky things that Jesus spent a lot of time actually addressing?
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#7 - I was recently sent a forward with a whole bunch of news clippings/police reports some of which I found hysterically funny. I just had to share a couple of my favorites here because, frankly, they're worth it!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Laminin
Last week, Tuesday, I was still in Washington with my parents. In the evening, we went to a small group my parents like to attend when they're in town. One of the ladies there shared the following. (Just watch the first couple of minutes to get to what I'm referring to).
I thought it was pretty cool, and being of a curious mind, I decided to do a bit of research and find out a bit more. In my research, I ran across the following two items: a Snopes analysis of the Laminin cross claims and a Truth or Fiction analysis.
The Snopes article makes some arguments against the guys sermon; however, either way, neither can fully disclaim what he is saying.
Take it as you like, I thought it was interesting. And personally, I'm much more interested in being seen as a carefully designed, formed, and planned out being than a blob that came out of the primordial ooze with no future, no purpose, and no point.
I thought it was pretty cool, and being of a curious mind, I decided to do a bit of research and find out a bit more. In my research, I ran across the following two items: a Snopes analysis of the Laminin cross claims and a Truth or Fiction analysis.
The Snopes article makes some arguments against the guys sermon; however, either way, neither can fully disclaim what he is saying.
Take it as you like, I thought it was interesting. And personally, I'm much more interested in being seen as a carefully designed, formed, and planned out being than a blob that came out of the primordial ooze with no future, no purpose, and no point.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Vanity--It is All Vanity
Madeline L'Engle reminded me, today, why it might be that God allows many of us to have jobs that can be frustrating to do, puts us in contact with people who are sometimes difficult to work with, or means that you do hours of work for no recognition (or other people get the praise for that work!).
Speaking to those who give a job their focused, highest quality attention, and speaking to those who are apparently much more spiritually developed in this particular area than I sometimes am, L'Engle says the following:
Ah, surely it is vain to think about words of praise. It is permissible for us to be pleased that a job has been well done, but we can't take any personal credit for it. We can only be grateful that the work itself knocks self-consciousness out of the way, for it is only thus that the work can be done.
Getting to that stage where my self-consciousness has been knocked out of the way, there's the rub.
Speaking to those who give a job their focused, highest quality attention, and speaking to those who are apparently much more spiritually developed in this particular area than I sometimes am, L'Engle says the following:
Ah, surely it is vain to think about words of praise. It is permissible for us to be pleased that a job has been well done, but we can't take any personal credit for it. We can only be grateful that the work itself knocks self-consciousness out of the way, for it is only thus that the work can be done.
Getting to that stage where my self-consciousness has been knocked out of the way, there's the rub.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
How Are You?
That is the most common question I've received the last few weeks. Honestly, I'm not always sure how to answer that question. So in a, sort-of, attempt at answering that question, I give you the two primary thoughts I've been holding on to.
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..."
Psalm 139
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..."
Psalm 139
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Questions?
How is it possible that one can hurt so much for that which has never been seen?
Why can an existance of miniscule proportions create such a huge hole in the fabric of my life?
Am I simply mourning a dream?
Will I always be haunted by the fears that my tired brain cannot censor away?
Will life ever be as it was?
Would I have given this up if it meant not knowing this pain?
To the last one, at least, I have an answer: No.
Why can an existance of miniscule proportions create such a huge hole in the fabric of my life?
Am I simply mourning a dream?
Will I always be haunted by the fears that my tired brain cannot censor away?
Will life ever be as it was?
Would I have given this up if it meant not knowing this pain?
To the last one, at least, I have an answer: No.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Turning Point
I just finished watching the movie, The Turning Point. While I think I may have seen it once before, years ago, I really didn't rememember much about it. I'm glad I watched it tonight though.
For those who have never seen the movie, it was made in the '70s (and is a definite product of that age - in terms of looks!). Beautiful dancing (Michael Baryshnikov is in it--a very young Baryshnikov, I might add!) However, the essential story is a struggle between two women in their late-30's, early-40's. Both women danced together in the ABC (American Ballet Company), and both were highly talented. One, however, gave up dancing so that she could raise a family. The other went on to be a prima ballerina. In the movie, they have met back up again as the prima's career is dying and the women who gave up her dancing is struggling with coming to terms with self-doubt over whether or not she made the right decision to give up her chance as a prima over having a family.
Some of the themes strongly resonated with me as they are issues with which I've struggling the last ten years, and especially ever since last fall when I had to make the decision about taking the position at the ballet studio in town. On the one hand is the recognition of the prima ballerina that the dance world is an all-consuming one. And unless you're willing to sacrifice much for it, you will never get very far. On the other hand is a woman with talent who never felt like that talent was given the recognition it deserved--instead she has had a "normal" life, and part of her resents that fact. And part of her just misses dancing.
All of these are things I have dealt with at some time or another in the last 10 years.
The truth of the matter is, I miss dancing. I miss ballet. I need to dance; part of me feels as if it's been lost when I haven't been dancing as I used to. But then there's another part of me that has me shying away from that world. And I haven't been able to determine why or what's wrong.
This movie kind of helped me see something more clearly than I've been able to up until now.
As much as I loved performing when I was younger, the truth of the matter is that performing is not what I want. Not really. I want to dance for the love of it. There is an indescribable passion that I feel as I dance that I get rarely from anything else in life. But it's not the stage that draws me. When I was in college, I started out as a drama major. And I realized, after a year, that while I enjoy performing, I didn't be a drama major. It was the love of the language and emotion that drew me to drama, not performing.
While I've had so many opportunities in my life to perform both in secular and in Christian circles, and I don't regret a single one of those, I don't want that world. Don't interpret that as not missing that world. In some ways I truly do. But there is a part of existence in that world that I don't want. Never wanted. Never liked. You can't have the world of performance without the grimy, political, competitive portion that goes hand in hand with the beautiful aspects. And for me, the grit and dirt often outweighed the beauty.
And the truth of the matter is that every time I've existed in that world, be it in a "Christian" form or non-christian, the gritty side has always been there. I guess it's part and parcel of being human. I knew when I was about 18 or 19 that while performing in a regular company would be amazing, if I was going to perform, I wanted to perform for Christ and as a witness. The opportunities I got during those years were wonderful. And I was able to do just that. But even then there was always that black side that it seems is so impossible to escape in the world of dance. The competition. The ugliness. Even amongst so-called Christian people, it was there. And what they did was beautiful. But I didn't like the hidden part of it. The side that no one sees outside of the backstage and dressing rooms.
I hope that I'm not entirely done with dance; I will always have to dance for myself. But I think God has needed me come to this place of (a) longing to dance again and (b) clear recognition of what I don't want. Even if I had stepped into the position that came open last fall, it would have been stepping into a consuming whirlpool in which it is difficult to keep one's head above the water if you don't really know what it is you want. And the truth is, I don't know what I want right now (and I say that not just in terms of dance but in relation to a number of aspects of my life). I do, however, know what I do not want. And at least that is a step in the right direction.
For those who have never seen the movie, it was made in the '70s (and is a definite product of that age - in terms of looks!). Beautiful dancing (Michael Baryshnikov is in it--a very young Baryshnikov, I might add!) However, the essential story is a struggle between two women in their late-30's, early-40's. Both women danced together in the ABC (American Ballet Company), and both were highly talented. One, however, gave up dancing so that she could raise a family. The other went on to be a prima ballerina. In the movie, they have met back up again as the prima's career is dying and the women who gave up her dancing is struggling with coming to terms with self-doubt over whether or not she made the right decision to give up her chance as a prima over having a family.
Some of the themes strongly resonated with me as they are issues with which I've struggling the last ten years, and especially ever since last fall when I had to make the decision about taking the position at the ballet studio in town. On the one hand is the recognition of the prima ballerina that the dance world is an all-consuming one. And unless you're willing to sacrifice much for it, you will never get very far. On the other hand is a woman with talent who never felt like that talent was given the recognition it deserved--instead she has had a "normal" life, and part of her resents that fact. And part of her just misses dancing.
All of these are things I have dealt with at some time or another in the last 10 years.
The truth of the matter is, I miss dancing. I miss ballet. I need to dance; part of me feels as if it's been lost when I haven't been dancing as I used to. But then there's another part of me that has me shying away from that world. And I haven't been able to determine why or what's wrong.
This movie kind of helped me see something more clearly than I've been able to up until now.
As much as I loved performing when I was younger, the truth of the matter is that performing is not what I want. Not really. I want to dance for the love of it. There is an indescribable passion that I feel as I dance that I get rarely from anything else in life. But it's not the stage that draws me. When I was in college, I started out as a drama major. And I realized, after a year, that while I enjoy performing, I didn't be a drama major. It was the love of the language and emotion that drew me to drama, not performing.
While I've had so many opportunities in my life to perform both in secular and in Christian circles, and I don't regret a single one of those, I don't want that world. Don't interpret that as not missing that world. In some ways I truly do. But there is a part of existence in that world that I don't want. Never wanted. Never liked. You can't have the world of performance without the grimy, political, competitive portion that goes hand in hand with the beautiful aspects. And for me, the grit and dirt often outweighed the beauty.
And the truth of the matter is that every time I've existed in that world, be it in a "Christian" form or non-christian, the gritty side has always been there. I guess it's part and parcel of being human. I knew when I was about 18 or 19 that while performing in a regular company would be amazing, if I was going to perform, I wanted to perform for Christ and as a witness. The opportunities I got during those years were wonderful. And I was able to do just that. But even then there was always that black side that it seems is so impossible to escape in the world of dance. The competition. The ugliness. Even amongst so-called Christian people, it was there. And what they did was beautiful. But I didn't like the hidden part of it. The side that no one sees outside of the backstage and dressing rooms.
I hope that I'm not entirely done with dance; I will always have to dance for myself. But I think God has needed me come to this place of (a) longing to dance again and (b) clear recognition of what I don't want. Even if I had stepped into the position that came open last fall, it would have been stepping into a consuming whirlpool in which it is difficult to keep one's head above the water if you don't really know what it is you want. And the truth is, I don't know what I want right now (and I say that not just in terms of dance but in relation to a number of aspects of my life). I do, however, know what I do not want. And at least that is a step in the right direction.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Book Review: The Heavenly Man
Imprisoned three times, tortured for his faith, and receiver/witness of many unbelievable miracles, Brother Yun is one of those people who (like David Wilkerson in the Cross and the Switchblade) just astounds me with his faith.
The Heavenly Man is the autobiography of Brother Yun's life in Communist China as one of the initial leaders of the house-church movement there. And it is a really moving and challenging book. As I read description after description of the suffering he has gone through for the sake of the Lord, Brother Yun always came back to the concept that these things have happened to him so that he may be a better believer, a better witness, a stronger testimony of God's grace.
He doesn't set himself up as this person who should be looked up to and admired for his faith. Actually, he openly admits that two of the times he was imprisoned were directly because of his own arrogance in not listening to the warnings of the Lord. But then he goes on to describe how God used each of those situations despite Yun's mistakes.
That part was very encouraging. It is good to be reminded that God really can use any circumstances, even when those circumstances exist because we were foolish enough to not follow the original path He laid out for us. The situation we find ourselves in may be more painful because of our foolishness, but God is still there.
I think one of the most challenging parts of the book, for me at least, was a chapter near the end titled "Reflecting on Four Years in the West." Yun basically pinpoints in the Western church some of the major attitudes and the complacency that is so common. And not in all the churches did he have this experience; although, he did point out that the churches he spoke in that felt alive with the presence of the Lord were those with strong, active missions emphasis (and not just overseas emphasis but local as well).
But he talked about struggling to preach in a lot of the churches because there was no power, no sense of God in the fancy buildings. They are filled with people who have everything, who don't have to lean on the Lord, and so they become arrogant and push the very Savior away that they profess to worship. His prayer is that the Chinese church will be able to "help the Western church rise up and walk in the power of the Holy Spirit." How humbling is that, when we so often puff ourselves up as the ones who are leading the way?
How many others call themselves Christians and yet do not live out their faith? And I'm as guilty as anybody of this. For me, these concepts are ones that God seems to be bringing to the forefront of both my life and even more, Chris' life.
"The first thing needed for revival to return to your churches is the Word of the Lord. God's Word is missing. Sure there are many preachers and thousands of tapes and videos of Bible teaching, but so little contains the sharp truth of God's Word. It's the truth that will set you free.
"Not only is knowledge of God's Word missing, but obedience to that Word. There's not much action taking place.
"When revival came to believers in China, the result was thousands of evangelists being sent out to all corners of the nation, carrying fire from the altar of God with them. When God moves in the West, it seems you want to stop and enjoy His presence and blessing too long, and build an altar to your experiences.
"You can never really know the Scriptures until you're willing to be changed by them.
"All genuine revivals of the Lord result in believers responding with action and soul winning. When God truly moves in your heart, you cannot remain silent....Furthermore, it's only when we step out in obedience and share the gospel with people that we come to know God's blessing in every area of our lives."
I highly recommend this book. I don't care what denomination you are (he's got a good spiel on that in the book as well!), if you believe in a God who moves, who does miracles, who wants us to live our lives in the expectation that He can return at any time, this book will challenge you (and quite possibly make you a little uncomfortable as well!).
The Heavenly Man is the autobiography of Brother Yun's life in Communist China as one of the initial leaders of the house-church movement there. And it is a really moving and challenging book. As I read description after description of the suffering he has gone through for the sake of the Lord, Brother Yun always came back to the concept that these things have happened to him so that he may be a better believer, a better witness, a stronger testimony of God's grace.
He doesn't set himself up as this person who should be looked up to and admired for his faith. Actually, he openly admits that two of the times he was imprisoned were directly because of his own arrogance in not listening to the warnings of the Lord. But then he goes on to describe how God used each of those situations despite Yun's mistakes.
That part was very encouraging. It is good to be reminded that God really can use any circumstances, even when those circumstances exist because we were foolish enough to not follow the original path He laid out for us. The situation we find ourselves in may be more painful because of our foolishness, but God is still there.
I think one of the most challenging parts of the book, for me at least, was a chapter near the end titled "Reflecting on Four Years in the West." Yun basically pinpoints in the Western church some of the major attitudes and the complacency that is so common. And not in all the churches did he have this experience; although, he did point out that the churches he spoke in that felt alive with the presence of the Lord were those with strong, active missions emphasis (and not just overseas emphasis but local as well).
But he talked about struggling to preach in a lot of the churches because there was no power, no sense of God in the fancy buildings. They are filled with people who have everything, who don't have to lean on the Lord, and so they become arrogant and push the very Savior away that they profess to worship. His prayer is that the Chinese church will be able to "help the Western church rise up and walk in the power of the Holy Spirit." How humbling is that, when we so often puff ourselves up as the ones who are leading the way?
How many others call themselves Christians and yet do not live out their faith? And I'm as guilty as anybody of this. For me, these concepts are ones that God seems to be bringing to the forefront of both my life and even more, Chris' life.
"The first thing needed for revival to return to your churches is the Word of the Lord. God's Word is missing. Sure there are many preachers and thousands of tapes and videos of Bible teaching, but so little contains the sharp truth of God's Word. It's the truth that will set you free.
"Not only is knowledge of God's Word missing, but obedience to that Word. There's not much action taking place.
"When revival came to believers in China, the result was thousands of evangelists being sent out to all corners of the nation, carrying fire from the altar of God with them. When God moves in the West, it seems you want to stop and enjoy His presence and blessing too long, and build an altar to your experiences.
"You can never really know the Scriptures until you're willing to be changed by them.
"All genuine revivals of the Lord result in believers responding with action and soul winning. When God truly moves in your heart, you cannot remain silent....Furthermore, it's only when we step out in obedience and share the gospel with people that we come to know God's blessing in every area of our lives."
I highly recommend this book. I don't care what denomination you are (he's got a good spiel on that in the book as well!), if you believe in a God who moves, who does miracles, who wants us to live our lives in the expectation that He can return at any time, this book will challenge you (and quite possibly make you a little uncomfortable as well!).
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Boundaries Part 7
The last section of Boundaries is on actually how to develop good boundaries. There were a couple of points that really stood out to me in this area (well, truthfully, the whole book is really good!).
1. The first quote I've going to give you below is one that just made me laugh. Ever since I'm been on this whole life-changing, gluten free thing, I've had a lot of people talking to me about how I'm able to just give up so much. And I've had something reinforced for me that seems very basic but a lot of people don't really seem to recognize the truth behind it. To change, you have to really want it. Otherwise, you won't change. It's not worth it to you.
"The driving force behind boundaries has to be desire. We usually know what is the right thing to do in life, but we are rarely motivated to do it unless there's a good reason. That we should be obedient to God, who tells us to set and maintain boundaries, is certainly the best reason. But sometimes we need a more compelling reason than obedience. We need to see that what is right is also good for us. and we usually only see these good reasons when we're in pain. Our pain motivates us to act."
I'd never though of this food struggle for me as simply as just calling it a boundary I'm establishing in my life, but the reality is that a boundary is the only name for it. I'm protecting myself from things that hurt me, and opening myself up to those things that are good for me. For years I've thought that Chris and I should really make some changes in our lives--eat better food, etc. But I never had the motivation to do. Now I do. And my whole world is being turned upside down, shaken apart, and then being put back together piece by piece.
2. The second quote (it's kind of long) I'm going to give is an answer to a question(s) I've had for quite a few years now. It is a question that has haunted me for the last couple in particular. I've even written about it here. What is forgiveness? And more particularly--how do you forgive someone who doesn't seem to want to be forgiven or even get the fact that they've hurt you? And even more specifically from that--how do you forgive someone who doesn't "get" how they've been at fault and thus you are placing yourself back under them in a way that you're almost guaranteed to get hurt again?
"Many people have a problem determining the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. They fail to deal with external resistance because they feel that they have to give in to the other person again or they are not being forgiving. In fact, many people are afraid to forgive because they equate that with letting down their boundaries one more time and giving the other person the power to hurt them again.
"The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don't always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt that they owe us. We write off the other person's debt, and she no longer owes us. We no longer condemn her. She is clean. Only one party is needed for forgiveness: me. The person who owes me a debt does not have to ask for my forgiveness. It is a work of grace in my heart.
"This brings us to the second principle: we do not always achieve reconciliation. God forgave the world, but the whole world is not reconciled to Him. Although He may have forgiven all people, all people have not owned their sin and appropriated His forgiveness. That would be reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one; reconciliation takes two.
"We do not open ourselves up to the other party until we have seen that she has truly owned her part of the problem...True repentance is much more than saying 'I'm sorry'; it is changing directions."
1. The first quote I've going to give you below is one that just made me laugh. Ever since I'm been on this whole life-changing, gluten free thing, I've had a lot of people talking to me about how I'm able to just give up so much. And I've had something reinforced for me that seems very basic but a lot of people don't really seem to recognize the truth behind it. To change, you have to really want it. Otherwise, you won't change. It's not worth it to you.
"The driving force behind boundaries has to be desire. We usually know what is the right thing to do in life, but we are rarely motivated to do it unless there's a good reason. That we should be obedient to God, who tells us to set and maintain boundaries, is certainly the best reason. But sometimes we need a more compelling reason than obedience. We need to see that what is right is also good for us. and we usually only see these good reasons when we're in pain. Our pain motivates us to act."
I'd never though of this food struggle for me as simply as just calling it a boundary I'm establishing in my life, but the reality is that a boundary is the only name for it. I'm protecting myself from things that hurt me, and opening myself up to those things that are good for me. For years I've thought that Chris and I should really make some changes in our lives--eat better food, etc. But I never had the motivation to do. Now I do. And my whole world is being turned upside down, shaken apart, and then being put back together piece by piece.
2. The second quote (it's kind of long) I'm going to give is an answer to a question(s) I've had for quite a few years now. It is a question that has haunted me for the last couple in particular. I've even written about it here. What is forgiveness? And more particularly--how do you forgive someone who doesn't seem to want to be forgiven or even get the fact that they've hurt you? And even more specifically from that--how do you forgive someone who doesn't "get" how they've been at fault and thus you are placing yourself back under them in a way that you're almost guaranteed to get hurt again?
"Many people have a problem determining the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. They fail to deal with external resistance because they feel that they have to give in to the other person again or they are not being forgiving. In fact, many people are afraid to forgive because they equate that with letting down their boundaries one more time and giving the other person the power to hurt them again.
"The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don't always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt that they owe us. We write off the other person's debt, and she no longer owes us. We no longer condemn her. She is clean. Only one party is needed for forgiveness: me. The person who owes me a debt does not have to ask for my forgiveness. It is a work of grace in my heart.
"This brings us to the second principle: we do not always achieve reconciliation. God forgave the world, but the whole world is not reconciled to Him. Although He may have forgiven all people, all people have not owned their sin and appropriated His forgiveness. That would be reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one; reconciliation takes two.
"We do not open ourselves up to the other party until we have seen that she has truly owned her part of the problem...True repentance is much more than saying 'I'm sorry'; it is changing directions."
I think I have some answers now.
3. The final quote goes right along with the above thought. This particular section was dealing more with how to handle unresolved grief and loss:
"The basic rule in biblical recovery is that the life before God is not worth holding on to; we must lose it, grieve it, and let go so that He can give us good things. We tend to hold on to the hope that 'someday they will love me' and continue to try to get someone who is unable to love us to change. This wish must be mourned and let go of so that our hearts can be opened to the new things that God wants for us...Giving up boundaries to get love postpones the inevitable: the realization of the truth about the person, the embracing of the sadness of that truth, and the letting go and moving on with life."
And thus endeth my posts on Boundaries. If you've been bored to tears, you're probably not reading this. If you've been reading these posts, I hope they've maybe given you some interest in reading, what I found to be, an amazing book.
I will be reading this book again...relatively soon, most likely. But I know that regardless of when I return to it, there are areas of my life--spiritual, physical, and emotion--that have been and are going to continue to be greatly impacted by this.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Boundaries Part 6
The next section of the book Boundaries (to see my posts on the first section of the book to here to Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5) delves a little more into specific Boundary conflicts. While many of the ideas overlap, each chapter focuses on a specific type of relationship: Boundaries with your family, friends, spouse, children, work, self, and God. While there is much that I have actually written on some of these areas, I will only be sharing a few pieces of that here (for, I hope, obvious reasons).
In Chapter 7 - Boundaries and Your Family - I found this chapter to be fascinating (especially given the recent history of my husband and his parents).
The first tidbit that really made me stop and start questioning my life was the following: “…boundaries define someone’s property…[People who make outside choices but not inside emotionally free choices do not really ‘own themselves’]. People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going. They take other people into consideration, but when they make choices for the wishes of others, they are choosing out of love, not guilt; to advance a good, not to avoid a bad.”
The first thing I started questioning of course (since this chapter is about family) was how I felt this applies in my life. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again…I feel like my parents did a pretty good job in allowing me to set boundaries in my own life. The reason I feel that way is because the few times where I feel that they did push my boundaries, really stand out to me in my memories. Most of the time, I remember feeling comfortable and that I had a good degree of personal freedom. Obviously that was within reason, and they did help shape my boundaries, but they also let me establish them for myself. (Thanks for that, btw, APs of mine!).
So, my parents, not a problem. Now, having said that though, that feeling of not “owning” my own life, is one that I have experienced. And so that really made me kind of sit and pay attention as I have been trying to pinpoint with whom I feel that my boundaries need some work.
In Chapter 9, which deals with Boundaries and the Spouse, I found this statement to be very powerful: "...a boundary always deals with yourself, not the other person. You are not demanding that your spouse [or friend, co-worker, family member, etc] do something--even respect your boundaries. You are setting boundaries to say what you will do or will not do. Only these kinds of boundaries are enforceable, for you do have control over yourself. Do not confuse boundaries with a new way to control a spouse [or other person]. It is the opposite. It is giving up control and beginning to love. You are giving up trying to control your spouse and allowing him to take responsibility for his own behavior."
I know I've talked about this a little bit in earlier posts on this book, but I still think this concept is the most pivotal one of the book. Boundaries can't control other people. Boundaries allow you to "own" yourself - control yourself. You set your limits, you make your own decisions, and you deal with the resulting consequences hence forth.
While I am not going to say that I have a perfect marriage, my husband and I have worked very hard together to try to set boundaries with one another. I don't think we ever termed them boundaries before, but we have always worked towards trying to be honest with one another, communicating clearly and fairly with each other, not expecting the other person to fulfill the unspoken need. Now, as I shared with a friend a few days ago, I don't always succeed at that! But we do work towards that end. He cannot fulfill me. He also cannot read my mind and know what I need. And it is unfair of me, unloving of me, to punish him (be angry with, sulk over, etc) for that.
Chapter 10 is a chapter that I think I will be revisiting quite a bit once we start our own family as that is the one dealing with boundaries and children. While I've known a lot of this before, I don't think I've ever had anyone really connect some of the dots for me as clearly as this book has. It's more like I've known a number of somewhat unrelated yet very important points in various relationships that are finally becoming clearly related for me. They all deal with boundaries.
In Chapter 12 which deals with Boundaries and Self, there was another idea that I just have to throw out there. The authors' are talking about how, since the Fall, man's instinct is to withdraw from relationship to deal with things ourselves when something goes wrong. The authors' challenge this idea because our relationship with God is also just that, a relationship. In withdrawing from relationships, we withdraw from Him. And at that point we're depending on ourselves - not the greatest of ideas!
A second idea that really stood out to me in this chapter was this notion of just telling yourself "no" when dealing with personal out-of-control boundary problems. "Just say, 'no', Choose to Stop", "Make a Commitment to Never do it Again." These phrases aren't that helpful. "The problem with this approach is that it makes an idol out of the will, something God never intended. Just as our hearts and minds are distorted by the Fall, so is our power to make right decisions. Will is only strengthened by relationship; we can't make commitments alone...If we depend on willpower alone, we are guaranteed to fail. We are denying the power of the relationship promised in the cross. If all we need is our will to overcome evil, we certainly don't need a Savior."
Once again, can I say, "Ouch!" Self-reliance is definitely an approach to living that is pushed by our society. But I can't, if I call myself a Christian, be truly self-reliant. Because my "self" is flawed, fallible, and broken. And it is only with a relationship that I can succeed. No wonder we're all falling apart.
"Boundaries are inherent in any relationship God has created, for they define the two parties who are loving each other...boundaries between us and God are very important. They are not to do away with the fundamental oneness or unity that we have with him, but they are to define the two parties in unity. There is no unity without distinct identities, and boundaries define the distinct identities involved.
"We need to know these boundaries between us and Him. Boundaries help us to be the best we can be--in God's image. They let us see God as he really is. They enable us to negotiate life, fulfilling out responsibilities and requirements. If we are trying to do His work for Him, we will fail. If we are wishing for Him to do our work for us, He will refuse. But if we do our work, and God does His, we will find strength in a real relationship with our Creator."
And that is one of the most powerful concept of being in a relationship with God.
In Chapter 7 - Boundaries and Your Family - I found this chapter to be fascinating (especially given the recent history of my husband and his parents).
The first tidbit that really made me stop and start questioning my life was the following: “…boundaries define someone’s property…[People who make outside choices but not inside emotionally free choices do not really ‘own themselves’]. People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going. They take other people into consideration, but when they make choices for the wishes of others, they are choosing out of love, not guilt; to advance a good, not to avoid a bad.”
The first thing I started questioning of course (since this chapter is about family) was how I felt this applies in my life. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again…I feel like my parents did a pretty good job in allowing me to set boundaries in my own life. The reason I feel that way is because the few times where I feel that they did push my boundaries, really stand out to me in my memories. Most of the time, I remember feeling comfortable and that I had a good degree of personal freedom. Obviously that was within reason, and they did help shape my boundaries, but they also let me establish them for myself. (Thanks for that, btw, APs of mine!).
So, my parents, not a problem. Now, having said that though, that feeling of not “owning” my own life, is one that I have experienced. And so that really made me kind of sit and pay attention as I have been trying to pinpoint with whom I feel that my boundaries need some work.
In Chapter 9, which deals with Boundaries and the Spouse, I found this statement to be very powerful: "...a boundary always deals with yourself, not the other person. You are not demanding that your spouse [or friend, co-worker, family member, etc] do something--even respect your boundaries. You are setting boundaries to say what you will do or will not do. Only these kinds of boundaries are enforceable, for you do have control over yourself. Do not confuse boundaries with a new way to control a spouse [or other person]. It is the opposite. It is giving up control and beginning to love. You are giving up trying to control your spouse and allowing him to take responsibility for his own behavior."
I know I've talked about this a little bit in earlier posts on this book, but I still think this concept is the most pivotal one of the book. Boundaries can't control other people. Boundaries allow you to "own" yourself - control yourself. You set your limits, you make your own decisions, and you deal with the resulting consequences hence forth.
While I am not going to say that I have a perfect marriage, my husband and I have worked very hard together to try to set boundaries with one another. I don't think we ever termed them boundaries before, but we have always worked towards trying to be honest with one another, communicating clearly and fairly with each other, not expecting the other person to fulfill the unspoken need. Now, as I shared with a friend a few days ago, I don't always succeed at that! But we do work towards that end. He cannot fulfill me. He also cannot read my mind and know what I need. And it is unfair of me, unloving of me, to punish him (be angry with, sulk over, etc) for that.
Chapter 10 is a chapter that I think I will be revisiting quite a bit once we start our own family as that is the one dealing with boundaries and children. While I've known a lot of this before, I don't think I've ever had anyone really connect some of the dots for me as clearly as this book has. It's more like I've known a number of somewhat unrelated yet very important points in various relationships that are finally becoming clearly related for me. They all deal with boundaries.
In Chapter 12 which deals with Boundaries and Self, there was another idea that I just have to throw out there. The authors' are talking about how, since the Fall, man's instinct is to withdraw from relationship to deal with things ourselves when something goes wrong. The authors' challenge this idea because our relationship with God is also just that, a relationship. In withdrawing from relationships, we withdraw from Him. And at that point we're depending on ourselves - not the greatest of ideas!
A second idea that really stood out to me in this chapter was this notion of just telling yourself "no" when dealing with personal out-of-control boundary problems. "Just say, 'no', Choose to Stop", "Make a Commitment to Never do it Again." These phrases aren't that helpful. "The problem with this approach is that it makes an idol out of the will, something God never intended. Just as our hearts and minds are distorted by the Fall, so is our power to make right decisions. Will is only strengthened by relationship; we can't make commitments alone...If we depend on willpower alone, we are guaranteed to fail. We are denying the power of the relationship promised in the cross. If all we need is our will to overcome evil, we certainly don't need a Savior."
Once again, can I say, "Ouch!" Self-reliance is definitely an approach to living that is pushed by our society. But I can't, if I call myself a Christian, be truly self-reliant. Because my "self" is flawed, fallible, and broken. And it is only with a relationship that I can succeed. No wonder we're all falling apart.
The last chapter in this section, Boundaries and God, also deals with this concept of being dependent on God. In one of my earlier posts, I addressed this a little bit, but here in this chapter, it comes back even more. God sets boundaries. God respects our boundaries. It is up to us to open up our boundaries to include Him. But in doing so, we also have to respect His boundaries.
"Boundaries are inherent in any relationship God has created, for they define the two parties who are loving each other...boundaries between us and God are very important. They are not to do away with the fundamental oneness or unity that we have with him, but they are to define the two parties in unity. There is no unity without distinct identities, and boundaries define the distinct identities involved.
"We need to know these boundaries between us and Him. Boundaries help us to be the best we can be--in God's image. They let us see God as he really is. They enable us to negotiate life, fulfilling out responsibilities and requirements. If we are trying to do His work for Him, we will fail. If we are wishing for Him to do our work for us, He will refuse. But if we do our work, and God does His, we will find strength in a real relationship with our Creator."
And that is one of the most powerful concept of being in a relationship with God.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Boundaries Part 5
For this next part, I'm just going to throw a couple of quotes out there that really stood out to me from chapter 5 (The Ten Laws of Boundaries) and chapter 6 (Common Boundary Myths).
1. Biblical views of Responsibility: "[We are commanded to] 'love each other as I have loved you' (John 15:12). Anytime you are not loving others, you are not taking full responsibility for yourself; you have disowned your heart...[However], we are to love one another, not be one another....The biblical mandate for our own personal growth is 'Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose' (Phil. 2:12-13). You are responsible for yourself. I am responsible for myself...[I am] responsible to give to [your] needs and to put limits on [your] sin. Boundaries help you do just that."
2. Biblical view of Respect: "We fear that others will not respect our boundaries. We focus on others and lose clarity about ourselves...We judge the boundary decisions of others, thinking that we know best how they 'ought' to give, and usually, that means 'they ought to give to me the way I want them to!' But the Bible says whenever we judge, we will be judged....If we condemn others' boundaries, we expect them to condemn ours. This sets up a fear cycle inside that makes us afraid to set the boundaries that we need to set...'So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you' (Matt. 7:12). We need to respect the boundaries of others. We need to love the boundaries of others in order to command respect for our own. We need to treat their boundaries the way we want them to treat ours."
3. On evaluating the effects of boundaries on others: "You need to evaluate the effect of setting boundaries and be responsible to the other person, but that does not mean you should avoid setting boundaries become someone respond with hurt or anger. To have boundaries...is to love a purposeful life...We need to evaluate the pain caused by our making choices and empathize with it." (But that doesn't mean we change our boundaries because of it--it just means not walking blindly through life disregarding how other's might feel because of our boundaries that we've set.
4. On being proactive in life (ontologizing!) and the power that comes with that: "Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose, and what they stand for. These people are very different from those who are known by what they hate, what they don't like, what they stand against, and what they will not do...Power is not something you demand or deserve, it is something you express. The ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it."
5. On being active (or purposeful - again ontology!): "Human beings are responders and initiators. Many times we have boundary problems because we lack initiative - the God-given ability to propel ourselves into life...Passivity never pays off. God will match our efforts, but he will never do our work for us. That would be an invasion of our boundaries. He wants us to be assertive and active, seeking and knocking on the door to life...The sin God rebukes is not trying and failing but failing to try. Trying, failing, and trying again is called learning. Failing to try will have no good results; evil with triumph."
6. On being honest about our boundaries: "...boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship. We have many boundary problems because of relational fears...Because of [our] fears, we try to have secret boundaries. We withdraw passively and quietly instead of communicating an honest no to someone we love...The Bible continually speaks or our being in the light and of the light as the only place where we have access to God and others. But, because of our fears, we hide aspects of ourselves in the darkness, where the devil has an opportunity. When our boundaries are in the light, that is, are communicated openly, our personalities begin to integrate for the first time. They become 'visible'...and then they become light."
7. On Stewardship vs. selfishness: "We are our own responsibility...We are to develop our lives, abilities, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Our spiritual and emotional growth is God's 'interest' on his investment in us. When we say no to people and activities that are hurtful to us, we are protecting God's investment."
8. On obeidence and not being bound by fear: "The Bible tells us how to be obedient: 'Each of you must give us you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion for God loves a cheerful giver' (2 Cor. 9:7). ...God has no interest in our obeying out of fear [fear of a real person of a guilty conscience] ...God wants a response of love. Are boundaries a sign of Disobedience? They can be. We can say no to good things for wrong reasons. But having a 'no' helps us to clarify, to be honest, to tell the truth about our motives; then we can allow God to work in us. This process cannot be accomplished in a fearful heart."
9. On identifying good relationships: "Boundaries are a 'litmus test' for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries love our will, our opinions, our seperatesness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our no. They only love our yes, our compliance."
10. On the role of boundaries: "Boundaries are a defensive tool. Appropriate boundaries don't control, attack, or hurt anyone. They simply prevent your treasures from being taken at the wrong time. Saying no to adults, who are responsible for getting their own needs met, may cause some discomfort. They may have to look elsewhere. But it doesn't cause injury."
11. On boundaries and the legitimate needs of others: "Even when someone has a valid problem, there are times when we can't sacrifice for some reason or another. Jesus left the multitudes, for example, to be alone with his father (Matt. 14:22-23). In these instances, we have to allow others to take responsibility for their 'knapsacks' (Gal 6:5) and to look elsewhere to get their needs met."
12. Boundaries and "owing" others: "One of the major obstancles to setting boundaries with others in our lives is our feeling of obligation...The idea is that became we have received something, we owe something. The problem is the nonexistent debt. The love we receive, or money, or time--or anthing which causes us to feel obligated--should be accepted as a gift. 'Gift' implies no strings attached. All that's really needed is gratitude. The giver has no second thought that the present will provide a return. It was simply provided become someone loved someone and wanted to do something for him or her. Period....What do we owe those who are kind to us, who have genuinly cared for us? We owe them thanks. And from our greatful hearts, we should go out and help others...We need to distinguish between those who 'give to get' and those who truly give selflessly."
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Boundaries Part 4
As I read chapter 4 of Boundaries, I was really struck by one major concept that, while it makes total sense, I'd never really thought about before, and that is how children should be (but obviously aren't always) taught boundaries by their parents and that these same boundaries can begin to be established from extremely young ages of development. Boundaries help define an individual to themselves and to others.
But then Cloud and Townsend make a really good point that is kind of frustrating at the same time--"You can't develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and with others." What, then, happens to the non-Christian who has no relationship with God and no supportive relationships with others? How lost they must feel.
"Our deepest need is to be belong, to be in a relationship, to have a spiritual and emotional 'home.' The very nature of God is to be in a relationship: 'God is love' says 1 John 4:16. Love means relationship - the caring, committed connection of one individual to another....We are built for relationship. Attachment is the foundation of the souls' existence. When this foundation is cracked or faulty, boundaries become impossible to develop...[because] when we lack relationship, we have nowhere to go in a conflict...[and] we are forced to choose between two bad options:
1. We set limits and risk losing a relationship...
2. We don't set limits and remain a prisoner to the wishes of others."
What a choice to have to make: Do you want loneliness or oppression?
The authors', very early on in the chapter, define the intentioned meaning of Proverbs 22:6 ("Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it"). "The way he should go" is defined as God's way and not the way parents think a child should go. I know I've been blessed by parents who, I feel, have not forced me into going any particular way just because they felt it was what they wanted to see me do but rather taught me to seek God's will and then encouraged me in following through on that (even when it meant letting a barely 14 year old girl go to Uzbekistan for nearly 3 months with five Thai Buddhists to further her ballet training!). Were my parents perfect? No. (Sorry, Mum!). However, from my observations of the many people with whom I've had contact since I first stepped into the adult arena of my life, I can clearly see the damage that has been done by those who were given even less or no development of boundaries.
And then I have to pray that when Chris and I start our own family, may God help us to actually help establish these boundaries in our children's lives....because they are vital.
But then Cloud and Townsend make a really good point that is kind of frustrating at the same time--"You can't develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and with others." What, then, happens to the non-Christian who has no relationship with God and no supportive relationships with others? How lost they must feel.
"Our deepest need is to be belong, to be in a relationship, to have a spiritual and emotional 'home.' The very nature of God is to be in a relationship: 'God is love' says 1 John 4:16. Love means relationship - the caring, committed connection of one individual to another....We are built for relationship. Attachment is the foundation of the souls' existence. When this foundation is cracked or faulty, boundaries become impossible to develop...[because] when we lack relationship, we have nowhere to go in a conflict...[and] we are forced to choose between two bad options:
1. We set limits and risk losing a relationship...
2. We don't set limits and remain a prisoner to the wishes of others."
What a choice to have to make: Do you want loneliness or oppression?
The authors', very early on in the chapter, define the intentioned meaning of Proverbs 22:6 ("Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it"). "The way he should go" is defined as God's way and not the way parents think a child should go. I know I've been blessed by parents who, I feel, have not forced me into going any particular way just because they felt it was what they wanted to see me do but rather taught me to seek God's will and then encouraged me in following through on that (even when it meant letting a barely 14 year old girl go to Uzbekistan for nearly 3 months with five Thai Buddhists to further her ballet training!). Were my parents perfect? No. (Sorry, Mum!). However, from my observations of the many people with whom I've had contact since I first stepped into the adult arena of my life, I can clearly see the damage that has been done by those who were given even less or no development of boundaries.
And then I have to pray that when Chris and I start our own family, may God help us to actually help establish these boundaries in our children's lives....because they are vital.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Boundaries Part 3
Apparently, I am compliant avoidant. As I delved into chapter 3 of Boundaries, I found much of interest in there, only two points of which I will discuss here: The compliant and avoidant persons.
Compliant people are ones who say “yes” to things. They “have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries; they ‘melt’ into the demands needs of other people. They can’t stand alone, distinct from people who want something from them….They minimize their differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons.”
The first thought I had about this is that I would love to do a case-study of TCKs and find out how many of them fall into this compliant category. After all, we are the masters of being chameleons. We flit from culture to culture, group to group, somehow needing to find a way to fit in…and being a chameleon is often the easiest and least painful way.
“Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid.”
Have you ever seen the movie “Mean Girls”? Lindsay Lohan is in it (when she was still cute and not slutty). That movie cracks me up and also makes me cringe simultaneously. If you’ve never seen it, the short synopsis is a TCK moves from being home schooled in Africa all her life to going to a public school in the US. The movie is about her struggles with finding a way to fit in and discovering the lengths to which she is willing to go to fit in, particularly with the popular crowd. It makes me laugh because there are lines in it and pieces of it that are just my life. Her confusion about pop culture references and such is very realistic. It makes me cringe because, although she goes to the extreme, her strong need to fit in and her chameleon act to do so are very familiar.
The second thought I had is that, on retrospect, while I do have tendencies towards compliancy, I think it’s also something I have fought against being for a long time now. Sadly, that fight often leaves me feeling uncomfortable because I then find myself standing away from the crowd, but I always feel more secure about myself when I’m not pretending things just to make other people like me. If I’m really being honest, I think the person I am most compliant to, at least at this point in my life, is myself—or at least my rather strict, overly critical conscience. I thank the Lord for a husband who has really helped me overcome this, but it is something I struggle with on a regular basis.
“People who have an over strict, critical conscience will condemn themselves for things God himself doesn’t condemn them for…Afraid to confront their unbiblical and critical internal parent, they tighten appropriate boundaries. When we give into guilty feelings, we are complying with a harsh conscience. The fear of disobeying the harsh conscience translates into an inability to confront others—a says yes to the bad—because it would cause more guilt.”
Now, those of you who have ever been on the receiving side of my temper know that there are times I have no problems with confronting people. But the truth of the matter is that I reign my temper in very sharply, and I think in some ways, that has actually hurt me. I’ve learned to (mostly!) control my temper, but I don’t think I ever learned (although this is changing of late) the balance of still being able to really confront others when necessary. I need to learn what the authors called “Biblical compliance.” Essentially, biblical compliance is to be compassionate (or compliant) from the inside out not compliant outwardly and resentful inwardly (sacrificial).
Hand in hand with the whole compliancy issue is that of those who are avoidants. People who are avoidants tend to struggle with asking for help, recognizing their own needs, and letting people in. “Avoidants withdraw when they are in need; they do not ask for the support of others.” I know that this is something that I do. It’s something I’ve tried to learn to fight against, but my first tendency when I’m struggling is to just internalize it and deal with it myself.
But, as the authors say, “God designed our personal boundaries to have gates. We should have the freedom to enjoy safe relationships and to avoid destructive ones. God event allows us the freedom to let him in or to close him off (Rev. 3:20).”
So, there you have it. An honest confession of where I think my boundary problems stem from. Now the question is what to do about them?
For those interested, the other two boundary problems described are those who are Controllers (manipulative and aggressive – they do not respect other people’s boundaries) and those who are nonresponsive to the needs of others.
Compliant people are ones who say “yes” to things. They “have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries; they ‘melt’ into the demands needs of other people. They can’t stand alone, distinct from people who want something from them….They minimize their differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons.”
The first thought I had about this is that I would love to do a case-study of TCKs and find out how many of them fall into this compliant category. After all, we are the masters of being chameleons. We flit from culture to culture, group to group, somehow needing to find a way to fit in…and being a chameleon is often the easiest and least painful way.
“Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid.”
Have you ever seen the movie “Mean Girls”? Lindsay Lohan is in it (when she was still cute and not slutty). That movie cracks me up and also makes me cringe simultaneously. If you’ve never seen it, the short synopsis is a TCK moves from being home schooled in Africa all her life to going to a public school in the US. The movie is about her struggles with finding a way to fit in and discovering the lengths to which she is willing to go to fit in, particularly with the popular crowd. It makes me laugh because there are lines in it and pieces of it that are just my life. Her confusion about pop culture references and such is very realistic. It makes me cringe because, although she goes to the extreme, her strong need to fit in and her chameleon act to do so are very familiar.
The second thought I had is that, on retrospect, while I do have tendencies towards compliancy, I think it’s also something I have fought against being for a long time now. Sadly, that fight often leaves me feeling uncomfortable because I then find myself standing away from the crowd, but I always feel more secure about myself when I’m not pretending things just to make other people like me. If I’m really being honest, I think the person I am most compliant to, at least at this point in my life, is myself—or at least my rather strict, overly critical conscience. I thank the Lord for a husband who has really helped me overcome this, but it is something I struggle with on a regular basis.
“People who have an over strict, critical conscience will condemn themselves for things God himself doesn’t condemn them for…Afraid to confront their unbiblical and critical internal parent, they tighten appropriate boundaries. When we give into guilty feelings, we are complying with a harsh conscience. The fear of disobeying the harsh conscience translates into an inability to confront others—a says yes to the bad—because it would cause more guilt.”
Now, those of you who have ever been on the receiving side of my temper know that there are times I have no problems with confronting people. But the truth of the matter is that I reign my temper in very sharply, and I think in some ways, that has actually hurt me. I’ve learned to (mostly!) control my temper, but I don’t think I ever learned (although this is changing of late) the balance of still being able to really confront others when necessary. I need to learn what the authors called “Biblical compliance.” Essentially, biblical compliance is to be compassionate (or compliant) from the inside out not compliant outwardly and resentful inwardly (sacrificial).
Hand in hand with the whole compliancy issue is that of those who are avoidants. People who are avoidants tend to struggle with asking for help, recognizing their own needs, and letting people in. “Avoidants withdraw when they are in need; they do not ask for the support of others.” I know that this is something that I do. It’s something I’ve tried to learn to fight against, but my first tendency when I’m struggling is to just internalize it and deal with it myself.
But, as the authors say, “God designed our personal boundaries to have gates. We should have the freedom to enjoy safe relationships and to avoid destructive ones. God event allows us the freedom to let him in or to close him off (Rev. 3:20).”
So, there you have it. An honest confession of where I think my boundary problems stem from. Now the question is what to do about them?
For those interested, the other two boundary problems described are those who are Controllers (manipulative and aggressive – they do not respect other people’s boundaries) and those who are nonresponsive to the needs of others.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Boundaries Part 2
Chapter 2 of Boundaries is basically a definition of what boundaries are in every aspect of life. The chapter talks about physical boundaries, boundaries that you set via your words, physical distance, emotional distance, time, etc.
While there is a great variety of interesting points that stood out to me in this section, there were a few in particular that really made me stop and think.
First, they discuss the boundaries set by words, especially one word in particular, the dreaded “no.” If you’re like me, you’ve read/heard a lot about the necessity for using the word, “no,” not being a door-mat, etc. However, the authors made a point about this particular word that really brought the use of the word “no” into a new perspective for me.
“The Bible also warns us against giving to others ‘reluctantly or under compulsion’ (2 Cor. 9:7). People with poor boundaries struggle with saying no to the control, pressure, demands, and sometimes the real needs of others. They feel that if they say no to someone, they will endanger the relationship with that person, so they passively comply but inwardly resent. Sometimes a person is pressuring you to do something; other times the pressure comes from your own sense of what you ‘should’ do. If you cannot say no to this external or internal pressure, you have lost control of your property and are not enjoying the fruit of ‘self control.’”
Does anyone else feel a sting from that? I know that I definitely pressure myself into feeling guilty for saying “no.” In fact, I can look back on my life and see a lot of really hard times that I’ve been through that would have been a lot better had I just said “no.” I had never taken that thought to the next level that I am actually hurting myself spiritually by not establishing my true boundaries.
Continuing in that vein of thought, this chapter also gets into personal responsibility:
“Feelings should neither be ignored nor placed in charge. The Bible says to ‘own’ your feelings and be aware of them…Feelings come from your heart and can tell you the state of your relationships….But the point is, your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.” It doesn’t nullify having the feelings, but it does put them into perspective and takes away the excuse to respond poorly to other people because of how I’m feeling.
In short, it comes back to another topic I’ve dealt with a lot over the last two years – choices. If I choose to set a boundary, I have to take responsibility for that. If I choose to react just with my emotions and allow them to own me, then I have to take responsibility for that. As the author’s put it: “You are the one who must live with their [the choices’] consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with.”
After all, as is later addressed, you can’t set boundaries for other people. You can only set limits for yourself. I can’t change someone else, I can’t choose for someone else. God doesn’t even do that. He has standards and He limits His exposure to those who do not follow His boundaries, but He doesn’t force people into certain behaviors. They choose for themselves. He is taking a stand against things that destroy love – because He is love – but He does not force people to accept His boundaries.
And then came the real kicker for me. “What we value is what we love and assign importance to. Often we do not take responsibility for what we value. We are caught up in valuing the approval of men rather than the approval of God; because of this misplaced value, we miss out on life.”
How many times in my life have I been so concerned about other people “liking me” or “approving of me” that I’ve done things I really didn’t value or believe in? And I’m not necessarily just talking about sinning here but rather doing/saying/living things that I don’t really find important or even a correct reflection of myself. Rather than seeking God and only God’s approval, I’ve sought the approval of mankind, and I’ve been hurt because of it. I’ve failed to set a boundary on what I value, and so I’ve compromised and then had to deal with the aftermath of not liking myself because of my own choices. And then sometimes, when I have set a boundary, it’s caused a lot havoc because people don’t know how to respond to the suddenly established boundary.
As Townsend and Cloud put it, “Our minds and thoughts are important reflections of the image of God. No other creature on earth has our thinking ability. We are the only creatures who are called to love God with all our mind…[therefore] we must own our own thoughts. Many people have not taken ownership of their own thinking processes. They are mechanically thinking the thoughts of others without ever examining them. They swallow others’ opinions and reasoning, never questioning and ‘thinking about their thinking.’” At the same time we have a responsibility to “grow our knowledge and expand our minds” and to “clarify distorted thinking.”
In truth, I have had to laugh as I yet again have been dumped into the concept of ontologizing. Conscience living, consciously setting boundaries, choosing values, interpreting feelings—all a part of ontology.
While there is a great variety of interesting points that stood out to me in this section, there were a few in particular that really made me stop and think.
First, they discuss the boundaries set by words, especially one word in particular, the dreaded “no.” If you’re like me, you’ve read/heard a lot about the necessity for using the word, “no,” not being a door-mat, etc. However, the authors made a point about this particular word that really brought the use of the word “no” into a new perspective for me.
“The Bible also warns us against giving to others ‘reluctantly or under compulsion’ (2 Cor. 9:7). People with poor boundaries struggle with saying no to the control, pressure, demands, and sometimes the real needs of others. They feel that if they say no to someone, they will endanger the relationship with that person, so they passively comply but inwardly resent. Sometimes a person is pressuring you to do something; other times the pressure comes from your own sense of what you ‘should’ do. If you cannot say no to this external or internal pressure, you have lost control of your property and are not enjoying the fruit of ‘self control.’”
Does anyone else feel a sting from that? I know that I definitely pressure myself into feeling guilty for saying “no.” In fact, I can look back on my life and see a lot of really hard times that I’ve been through that would have been a lot better had I just said “no.” I had never taken that thought to the next level that I am actually hurting myself spiritually by not establishing my true boundaries.
Continuing in that vein of thought, this chapter also gets into personal responsibility:
“Feelings should neither be ignored nor placed in charge. The Bible says to ‘own’ your feelings and be aware of them…Feelings come from your heart and can tell you the state of your relationships….But the point is, your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.” It doesn’t nullify having the feelings, but it does put them into perspective and takes away the excuse to respond poorly to other people because of how I’m feeling.
In short, it comes back to another topic I’ve dealt with a lot over the last two years – choices. If I choose to set a boundary, I have to take responsibility for that. If I choose to react just with my emotions and allow them to own me, then I have to take responsibility for that. As the author’s put it: “You are the one who must live with their [the choices’] consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with.”
After all, as is later addressed, you can’t set boundaries for other people. You can only set limits for yourself. I can’t change someone else, I can’t choose for someone else. God doesn’t even do that. He has standards and He limits His exposure to those who do not follow His boundaries, but He doesn’t force people into certain behaviors. They choose for themselves. He is taking a stand against things that destroy love – because He is love – but He does not force people to accept His boundaries.
And then came the real kicker for me. “What we value is what we love and assign importance to. Often we do not take responsibility for what we value. We are caught up in valuing the approval of men rather than the approval of God; because of this misplaced value, we miss out on life.”
How many times in my life have I been so concerned about other people “liking me” or “approving of me” that I’ve done things I really didn’t value or believe in? And I’m not necessarily just talking about sinning here but rather doing/saying/living things that I don’t really find important or even a correct reflection of myself. Rather than seeking God and only God’s approval, I’ve sought the approval of mankind, and I’ve been hurt because of it. I’ve failed to set a boundary on what I value, and so I’ve compromised and then had to deal with the aftermath of not liking myself because of my own choices. And then sometimes, when I have set a boundary, it’s caused a lot havoc because people don’t know how to respond to the suddenly established boundary.
As Townsend and Cloud put it, “Our minds and thoughts are important reflections of the image of God. No other creature on earth has our thinking ability. We are the only creatures who are called to love God with all our mind…[therefore] we must own our own thoughts. Many people have not taken ownership of their own thinking processes. They are mechanically thinking the thoughts of others without ever examining them. They swallow others’ opinions and reasoning, never questioning and ‘thinking about their thinking.’” At the same time we have a responsibility to “grow our knowledge and expand our minds” and to “clarify distorted thinking.”
In truth, I have had to laugh as I yet again have been dumped into the concept of ontologizing. Conscience living, consciously setting boundaries, choosing values, interpreting feelings—all a part of ontology.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Boundaries Part 1
So the first book in my pile of nonfiction that I’ve picked up to read is Boundaries by Doctors Henry Cloud and John Townsend. From the very first chapter, I’ve been fascinated (and a little in pain at times from the major “ouches!” in the book).
The first point that really stood out to me as I started the book was the following quote from chapter 1: “Made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job and what isn’t…Any confusion of responsibly and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries. Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn’t.”
The authors then go into a description of how many Christians struggle with understanding that boundaries can be biblically appropriate.
I think people in general, unless they are completely devoid of a conscience, struggle with setting boundaries because they are afraid of hurting other people, being seen as selfish, etc. As Christians it does seem to be an even bigger issue because of how much we are taught that it is our responsibility to love our neighbors, help others, save the world! And while that is true, there is still appropriate and inappropriate (if not downright dangerous or wrong) methodology for doing so.
I work in a Christian environment, and while there are many aspects to that fact that I love, one of the biggest most frustrating issues I have had to experience since I’ve been here is that people seem to be afraid of telling other people, “No.” It’s like because we’re all Christians, we don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, and so regular workplace issues that should be dealt with and addressed are left alone and thus cause regular problems. Boundaries are not established because it might hurt somebody’s feelings to do so and therefore, as in the quote above, there are issues with “confusion of responsibility and ownership”. People cannot say what is and is not their job or responsibility all the time because it isn’t dealt with. But I digress…
As I got into the second chapter this issue of what a boundary is got further explained. To quote, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me…God designed a world where we all live ‘within’ ourselves; that is, we inhabit our own souls, and we are responsible for the things that make up ‘us.’ [Anyone else sensing an emphasis on ontology in that last statement?]…We have to deal with what is in our soul, and boundaries help us to define what this is….Boundaries [also] help us to define…what we are not responsible for. We are not, for example, responsible for other people.”
For me, I feel like the last couple of years has been all about learning that last statement. “[I] am not…responsible for other people.” Reading that statement was very relieving to me. So often I tend to give myself guilt trips because of other people’s choices and reactions that relate to me. But I’m not responsible for them. Such freedom in those words.
Before I could get too carried away with that thought though, the authors did nicely bring that statement into focus for, “We are responsible to others and for ourselves. ‘Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.’” (Galatians 6:2).
They then go onto do a little defining of some Greek words that make a very big difference in understanding scriptures which talk about our responsibility towards carrying other people's loads. There are times when I really wish I read Greek!
Basically, while we are asked to be “responsible to” and “show the sacrificial love of Christ” to others who have burdens that are too big to bear (i.e. They are lacking strength, knowledge, resources, etc and need help), each person has their own responsibilities that only they can carry. As in, “pick up your cross and follow me.” Not, dump your cross on your neighbor and trot along merrily beside them telling them how they should be walking faster and responding more quickly under their double load!
And this clarification of ideas does make sense. Because a lot of problems that I at least see or experience myself can easily be identified as coming from one of two things:
- People trying to carry to much themselves and not stretching beyond their boundaries to ask for help from others (somewhere in all this, the authors talked about permeability of boundaries – i.e. it’s a boundary but it doesn’t shut you off from the rest of the world nor does it necessarily stay always in the same place). Yes, yes, you can quit pointing fingers and laughing at me now.
- People who too quickly dump onto other people not their burdens but their regular loads for which they should be personally responsible.
More to come on this topic!
For those who wonder why I’m outlining all this here, when I study I really have to talk/write ideas out otherwise I don’t learn or truly understand them. As I do feel that this is a very important book for me to read, I really want to make sure I’m not just reading and forgetting it but really thinking through and absorbing as much as I can.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Lent 2009
A few months ago, as I was going about my usual day, the sudden and very random thought popped into my mind that I should give up fiction for Lent this year.
Now, for those of you who know me or have read this blog even a tiny little bit, you'll know that I'm what can be accurately described as a bookworm. A voracious reader would be a slightly more sophisticated way to describe my reading habits. Namely, it is not uncommon (of course depending on the size of books and my amount of free time) for me to get through four or five books in a week. On an exceptionally high reading week...seven or eight. I am, admittedly, a speed reader. However, my retention skills are very high, so I get along quite well with all my reading. And, fortunately, I really do enjoy re-reading many books because otherwise my reading habits would cost me a fortune.
While I do read non-fiction, I generally do gravitate more naturally to fiction of all sorts. And thus, the non-fiction books I both want to and sometimes need to read get neglected at times. While I love to challenge my mind and I enjoy reading non-fiction, I find it harder to lose myself when reading non-fiction, and thus, as reading is not just a hobby but is also a way for me to escape from stress, etc, the non-fiction gets left behind.
Any ways, I kind of laughed at the idea--me, give up reading fiction for 40 days? the absurdity of the idea!--but then I began to pray about it because I felt like this idea was more than just a stray thought that had wandered across my somewhat tired and stressed brain but perhaps was a little nudge by the Holy Spirit about something I really did need to do.
After several weeks of contemplating and praying about the idea, I decided that it was something that I both could and perhaps should follow through on for Lent. Like I said earlier, I often times choose fiction over the non-fiction that I need to read. And some of these nonfiction books are ones that really could be challenging to me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and might be bringing some very needed concepts to light that I would otherwise not be considering.
And so, starting today, I will not be reading any fiction--a decision I do not make lightly and without some trepidation. I will not, however, as my crazy husband suggested randomly upon finding out my resolution, be giving up reading completely. I have at least ten books that are currently calling my name and that I hope to make good headway on delving into.
And we will see where the Holy Spirit will take me through this.
Now, for those of you who know me or have read this blog even a tiny little bit, you'll know that I'm what can be accurately described as a bookworm. A voracious reader would be a slightly more sophisticated way to describe my reading habits. Namely, it is not uncommon (of course depending on the size of books and my amount of free time) for me to get through four or five books in a week. On an exceptionally high reading week...seven or eight. I am, admittedly, a speed reader. However, my retention skills are very high, so I get along quite well with all my reading. And, fortunately, I really do enjoy re-reading many books because otherwise my reading habits would cost me a fortune.
While I do read non-fiction, I generally do gravitate more naturally to fiction of all sorts. And thus, the non-fiction books I both want to and sometimes need to read get neglected at times. While I love to challenge my mind and I enjoy reading non-fiction, I find it harder to lose myself when reading non-fiction, and thus, as reading is not just a hobby but is also a way for me to escape from stress, etc, the non-fiction gets left behind.
Any ways, I kind of laughed at the idea--me, give up reading fiction for 40 days? the absurdity of the idea!--but then I began to pray about it because I felt like this idea was more than just a stray thought that had wandered across my somewhat tired and stressed brain but perhaps was a little nudge by the Holy Spirit about something I really did need to do.
After several weeks of contemplating and praying about the idea, I decided that it was something that I both could and perhaps should follow through on for Lent. Like I said earlier, I often times choose fiction over the non-fiction that I need to read. And some of these nonfiction books are ones that really could be challenging to me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and might be bringing some very needed concepts to light that I would otherwise not be considering.
And so, starting today, I will not be reading any fiction--a decision I do not make lightly and without some trepidation. I will not, however, as my crazy husband suggested randomly upon finding out my resolution, be giving up reading completely. I have at least ten books that are currently calling my name and that I hope to make good headway on delving into.
And we will see where the Holy Spirit will take me through this.
Friday, December 12, 2008
A Christmas Perspective
I recently stumbled across a blog written by a formerly aetheist woman who became a Christian (Catholic) in the last five years. Along with being a good writer, her perspective and many of her ideas I have found fascinating. I wanted to share with you a recent blog she wrote about what it is even those who don't believe in Christ still catch hold of at Christmas.
What I loved About Christmas was Christ
What I loved About Christmas was Christ
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Phones
I know I've been absent the last few days, and sadly, I'm not actually going to say a whole lot today! However, I wanted to post this very interesting thought I ran into the other day on Comical Coupon Cents. She did not originally write this and does not know where it originated.
CELL PHONE vs. BIBLE
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bibles like we treat our cell phone?
-What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
-What if we flipped through it several times a day?
-What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
-What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
-What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
-What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?
-What if we used it when we traveled?
-What if we used it in case of emergency?
I know I don't own a cell phone, but I was reading through this list and actually applying it to several other items in my life that seem to take precedent over the actual important items at times.
CELL PHONE vs. BIBLE
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bibles like we treat our cell phone?
-What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
-What if we flipped through it several times a day?
-What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
-What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
-What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
-What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?
-What if we used it when we traveled?
-What if we used it in case of emergency?
I know I don't own a cell phone, but I was reading through this list and actually applying it to several other items in my life that seem to take precedent over the actual important items at times.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Dancing Decision
I made my decision several days ago, but I haven't posted about it because I wanted to let it sink in first. You know, settle into it, give my addled brain a chance to reject or approve of the idea.
The short of is that after prayer and planning and dreaming and scheduling, I could not get a peace about working at the studio. In some ways it felt like a dream come true, but in others, akin to opening myself up to a nightmare. (OK, maybe not quite that extreme but my literary side liked the imagery!)
Basically there were quite a few reasons against taking either or both positions (and after I made my decision and passed it along to the powers that be, I discovered it probably would have entailed taking BOTH positions as opposed to just one, at least initially). Some of them were as follows:
The short of is that after prayer and planning and dreaming and scheduling, I could not get a peace about working at the studio. In some ways it felt like a dream come true, but in others, akin to opening myself up to a nightmare. (OK, maybe not quite that extreme but my literary side liked the imagery!)
Basically there were quite a few reasons against taking either or both positions (and after I made my decision and passed it along to the powers that be, I discovered it probably would have entailed taking BOTH positions as opposed to just one, at least initially). Some of them were as follows:
- I'm not doing my masters this year because Chris is going back to school and I've really felt like the Lord has been leading me to be a support to him in the next few years not focused on my own school, etc. And although he (Chris) kept telling me not to factor him into my decision, I realized that I had already factored him into my decision by the simple fact that I'm not doing school; therefore, why would I take up that time with yet another activity? And an activity that would take me out of the house a lot.
- All the "Pros" of taking either position (other than the fact that I would be dancing again) were based on which of the positions would be better - not pros in terms of how getting into this would be an improvement in our lives.
- Dancing again - I wouldn't be dancing. I would be administrating or teaching. I miss dancing. I don't miss a lot of other parts of that world - Christian or non-Christian.
- I'm struggling keeping up with 40 hours of work a week (case in point, I was so excited this week that I thought I was going to be able to have two full weeks without taking any sick time - first time in months I think. And then Wednesday hit) - why would I add another 20 or so?
There were other reasons beyond this. But I think one of the key elements for me is the fact that since I've made this decision I have had peace. I haven't had one moment of doubt concerning my decision.
Maybe this was just one of those moments when God wasn't going to "yay" or "nay" the decision and would have given me strength to go with either one. Obviously I'll never really know. But as things stand right now, I am confident in the decision I have made.
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