Friday, February 29, 2008

a bad case of the grumblies

I’m in a bit of a grumble, and so while I should be curling up in my comfy bed to sleep until the most irritating of inventions – the alarm clock – shrilly wakes me up tomorrow morning…preferably well rested…I instead sit here with my lap top trying to write the grumbles out of me so I’m not a bear to my husband or a beast to anyone else!

So, why the grumbles? Good question. Multiple answers.

Work is in a weird spot for me right now. I’m currently training my replacement and will soon be starting my job, but I hate in-betweeness where you don’t belong one place or another. And while the training is going fine, it’s also very tiring (especially when combined with the fact that I’m trying to learn my own new job as well!) and frustrating at times....So, having said all that, I’ll be glad when the transitions are over and life is settling back to normal again.

Another grumbly is that I’ve had to deal with the disappointment of learning of a new facet of an acquaintances’ character that greatly mars the picture I had hitherto developed of her. Please understand, I’m not saying she needs to be perfect or that I even saw her as perfect, but her behavior of late has really been so, well, disappointing, that the positive perspective I had of her before this point has been tarnished. And that is always hard to deal with. Idealism out the window, I guess!

Additional grumblies…
- I keep praying for 26 hours in the day, and it’s still at 24.

- My garage door is still broken, but we can’t fix it because we need to save up money to
get our roof repaired (too many crazy storms this winter).

- I recently received news on Myrte, whom I hadn’t heard about in a few months, and she sounds like she is throwing herself deeper and deeper into this crazy lifestyle of hers – depressing. Yes, I’m at peace with the role I have played in all that, but it’s still sad to watch someone throw their life away because they don’t possess the self-respect or even belief to do otherwise. You know it’s bad when drinking buddies are giving up on her because she’s too wild for them!

- I keep trying to stick to my workout routine in the mornings, and I’ve been so tired (I think from the craziness at work), I’ve barely been able to drag myself out of bed for work never mind several hours earlier than that!

- I want either WINTER (as in pretty snow and scenes to look at) or SPRING. I hate this drab nothingness around here. Or else if someone could transport, say, the Lake District here – at least I’d have mountains to look at. Or an ocean. I’d definitely take an ocean. But this time of year it’s all so drab and bleagh and ugly…and I miss tropical weather where at least everything stays green all year!

- My car needs it’s oil changed, but my gas/car budget is giving me the willies because the gas prices keep slipping up and up and up…a few cents at time. When to stop? Who knows.

- My birthday is in two weeks, and I’m trying to figure out what – if anything – I want to do for it. Last year was the pits (long story there), and I was hoping to do something that evening with my brother and sister and sister-in-law and of course, my husband, but I found out my sister will be gone for that whole week on orchestra tour. And, petty as it may be, I’m disappointed. And of course my self-analytical side kicks in going, “why are you disappointed?” And truth be told, I don’t know! I guess because it’s been eight years since either of us have been able to celebrate a birthday with each other. And I was looking forward to the novelty? I don’t think that’s really the whole of it – but I’m not up for digging any deeper to figure out why! But the disappointed part is there. And I’ll deal with it. Birthday suggestions anyone?

- My puppies need a bath, so I don’t like to cuddle them because “dirty dog” is one of my least favorite smells in the world. But then I feel guilty for not giving them enough cuddles! And, I’m sick to death of them tracking in mud over my just cleaned floors! GAH, so annoying!

Shall I add any more?

No.

I look at a lot of my grumbliness and can go – you’re being silly. Or, perhaps more accurately, you’re overly tired because it really has been several weeks of high stress and you need to just let some stuff go for a little while. But the grumblies still remain.

So, on to positives in defiance of the grumblies:

- It’s supposed to be beautiful weather this weekend, so maybe I can go play outside. Disc golf has been severely lacking from my life the last few months.

- We were treated to a movie and dinner and dessert by a good friend of ours this past week, none of which we would have been able to do on our own budget currently, and it was nice to be appreciated by him.

- A dear friend of mine has gotten a new job and life is going to be so much better for him, his wife – my best friend, plus all his friends because of it!

- I’m seeing my sister tomorrow, having missed her for a few weeks, and that will be nice.

- My birthday IS in two weeks, and regardless of other stuff, it’s something to enjoy.

- I have a best friend who leaves me silly messages on my white-board at home, and these are fun to watch for and bring a smile to my face most days.

- My darlingest is looking into plans for the future, and he’s excited about these plans, and that is great to see.

- My Mummy sent me several interesting articles today. A good fact both for the fact that they were highly relevant/interesting but also that she knows me so well she can send me highly relevant/interesting articles!

- The people I have talked to about the work stressors going on right now are so positive and encouraging of me. They all say the same thing – without having talked to each other – that I’m more than capable of handling and succeeding with all of this. It’s somewhat daunting at times to know the expectations of that many people for me, but it’s encouraging as well. If they all think I’m going to do great, surely they can’t all be wrong and my anxious side be right?!

OK, done pouting now. I’ll be good and go to sleep like I know I desperately need to. And, hey, it’s jeans day at work tomorrow! So, in defiance of grumblies…I’m going to enjoy it! So there J

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